Skip to main content

Catholic Corned Beef Crisis

 

This past Friday marked an important celebration in church history, especially for Irish Catholics: St Patrick's Day. And how better to celebrate than getting drunk making a traditional meal of corned beef and cabbage? However, this past Friday was also a part of Lent and this year's celebration falls on a Friday, making for a crisis of faith. Corned fish just isn't the same. 

For the first time ever, Roman Catholic bishops broke with tradition, allowing for a special "disposition" granting their parishioners a pass from following their man-made rules. Bishop O'Doul from St. Patrick's Cathedral in Manhattan said, "We know that some people really need to earn that penance by abstaining from meat every Friday for 40 days, but we determined that the veneration of St. Patrick is more important. I mean, we commemorate the death of Christ all the time. We have Him perpetually hanging in our cathedrals, and we practically crucify Him every time we take communion. The Irish only get to eat corned beef and drink Guinness once a year. Who am I to stop them?"

It was not clear, however, why some dioceses chose not to grant this dispensation, and what it meant for their followers. 

Some Roman Catholics were surprisingly less than pleased with the exception. John O'Brian of Philadelphia said, "We left Ireland 40 years ago to escape the Troubles that came with the Protestants and their influence, only to find that it has pervaded the very church in the United States. How dare they break with sacred tradition? We can't even be bothered to wait until Saturday? When did the church start making up its own rules?" How do we even know which dioceses have it right? 

The bishops defended their decision as a sign of grace that recognizes the importance of St. Patrick's Day for many Roman Catholics and encourages them to set aside ritual for remembrance. "We are not abolishing the season of Lent altogether," said Cardinal Ryan Dolan of New York in a statement. "We are simply making an exception for this special holiday that honors a beloved saint known for evangelizing, defending the Trinity, and abolishing snakes." He added that those who take advantage of the dispensation are encouraged to perform some other act of penance or charity to make up for breaking the tradition of meatless Fridays. "Maybe you volunteer to help the church for once, or maybe you can donate a little extra this Sunday," he suggested. "We like money. You think maintaining all these fancy cathedrals is cheap? Don't forget to add a little extra to get you and your family members out of purgatory sooner."

When we interviewed people of Protestant denominations, they all just laughed, except for the premillenialists, who perked up noticeably at the mention of "dispensation," and began to argue amongst themselves about the impending rapture and tribulation. 

Tags: #calvinistchronicle #Reformed #reformedtheology #dutchreformed #reformedchurch #Presbyterian #presbyterianism #reformedbaptist #Baptist #particularbaptist #sovereigngrace #lutheran #lutheranism #christian #christianity #calvinism #calvinist #Arminius #arminian #pelagius #pelagian #servetus #freewill #theism #theistic #atheistic #agnostic #heresy #heretic #heretical #jesus #jesuschrist #God #holyspirit #gospel #faith #church #bible #scripture #salvation #truth #grace #theologymatters #fivesolas #fivesolasofthereformation #solascriptura #soluschristus #solafide #solagratia #solideogloria #faithalone #scripturealone #christalone #gracealone #gloryofgodalone #fivepoints #fivepointsofcalvinism #tulip #totaldepravity #unconditionalelection #limitedatonement #irresistiblegrace #perseveranceofthesaints #martinluther #johncalvin #rcsproul #johnmacarthur #charlesspurgeon #paulwasher #satire #christiansatire #reformedsatire #baptistsatire #solasatura 

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Border Patrol Sends Steven Anderson to Armenia Over Misunderstanding

When Your Theological Flex Gets Lost in Translation Original image is Public Domain, courtesy of the United States Department of Homeland Security BORDER PATROL CHECKPOINT, AZ - In a bizarre twist of theological proportions, Pastor Steven Anderson's latest encounter with Border Patrol agents took an unexpected turn when he attempted to evangelize his way through a routine checkpoint. When asked about his citizenship, Anderson reportedly launched into an impromptu sermon, declaring, "I'm a citizen of Heaven, brother! Let me tell you about the Good News!" As the bemused agent tried to detain him, Anderson proclaimed, "You can't detain me! I'm free to believe because I'm Arminian!" The agent, mishearing the theological term, immediately sprang into action, shouting, "Armenian? We've got ourselves an illegal!" Chaos ensued as agents attempted to deport the protesting pastor to Armenia. "I said Arminian, not Armenian!" Anderson...

Pastor Jane's Inappropriate Relationships Spark Cheers of 'Yaaaaasss Queen' Amidst Ecclesiastical Double Standards

Breaking the Stained-Glass Ceiling: Pastor Jane's Scandalous Path to Feminist Icon Status In a groundbreaking moment for ecclesiastical equality, Pastor Jane Doe has become a beacon of feminist empowerment after being caught in a series of inappropriate relationships with male congregants. Her actions have sparked a wave of support, with many hailing her as a "Yaaaaasss Queen" for shattering the stained-glass ceiling. While male pastors have historically faced defrocking for similar indiscretions, Pastor Jane's case has been celebrated as a triumph of modern feminism. "Why should men have all the fun?" quipped one supporter, highlighting the double standards that have long plagued religious institutions. Critics, however, point to biblical texts that traditionally restrict the role of pastor to men and suggest women should remain silent in church. Yet, Pastor Jane's followers argue that these interpretations are outdated and patriarchal. "If she can...

Once Judeo-Christian Nation Watches Debate To Determine Which Immoral Reprobate Best Qualified to Lead

Nation’s Moral Compass Goes Haywire, Formally Resigns Following Debate Philadelphia - In a spectacle that could only be described as a divine comedy, the nation once hailed as a "Judeo-Christian" nation gathered to watch the presidential debate, eager to determine which immoral reprobate would best lead them forward. The candidates, both seasoned in the art of moral ambiguity, took the stage with the confidence of televangelists at a Sunday sermon.   As the candidates took the stage, the audience was treated to a spectacle reminiscent of a reality show, complete with mudslinging and moral gymnastics that would make even the most seasoned circus performer blush. One candidate, known for his "alternative facts," argued passionately that he had the best rallies in the history of political rallies, while another claimed to be “unburdened by the past” [but still current] administration’s numerous international scandals and blunders, promising that to fix everything she h...