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Catholic Corned Beef Crisis

 

This past Friday marked an important celebration in church history, especially for Irish Catholics: St Patrick's Day. And how better to celebrate than getting drunk making a traditional meal of corned beef and cabbage? However, this past Friday was also a part of Lent and this year's celebration falls on a Friday, making for a crisis of faith. Corned fish just isn't the same. 

For the first time ever, Roman Catholic bishops broke with tradition, allowing for a special "disposition" granting their parishioners a pass from following their man-made rules. Bishop O'Doul from St. Patrick's Cathedral in Manhattan said, "We know that some people really need to earn that penance by abstaining from meat every Friday for 40 days, but we determined that the veneration of St. Patrick is more important. I mean, we commemorate the death of Christ all the time. We have Him perpetually hanging in our cathedrals, and we practically crucify Him every time we take communion. The Irish only get to eat corned beef and drink Guinness once a year. Who am I to stop them?"

It was not clear, however, why some dioceses chose not to grant this dispensation, and what it meant for their followers. 

Some Roman Catholics were surprisingly less than pleased with the exception. John O'Brian of Philadelphia said, "We left Ireland 40 years ago to escape the Troubles that came with the Protestants and their influence, only to find that it has pervaded the very church in the United States. How dare they break with sacred tradition? We can't even be bothered to wait until Saturday? When did the church start making up its own rules?" How do we even know which dioceses have it right? 

The bishops defended their decision as a sign of grace that recognizes the importance of St. Patrick's Day for many Roman Catholics and encourages them to set aside ritual for remembrance. "We are not abolishing the season of Lent altogether," said Cardinal Ryan Dolan of New York in a statement. "We are simply making an exception for this special holiday that honors a beloved saint known for evangelizing, defending the Trinity, and abolishing snakes." He added that those who take advantage of the dispensation are encouraged to perform some other act of penance or charity to make up for breaking the tradition of meatless Fridays. "Maybe you volunteer to help the church for once, or maybe you can donate a little extra this Sunday," he suggested. "We like money. You think maintaining all these fancy cathedrals is cheap? Don't forget to add a little extra to get you and your family members out of purgatory sooner."

When we interviewed people of Protestant denominations, they all just laughed, except for the premillenialists, who perked up noticeably at the mention of "dispensation," and began to argue amongst themselves about the impending rapture and tribulation. 

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