Bible App User Looks Down On Technological Illiterates Using Printed Bibles

“You Might As Well Be Using Scrolls,” Says Man Who Only Scrolls Digitally

Modern-Day Miracle: A Bible App

RIVERSIDE, CA - A local man who uses the Bible app on his phone has been looking down on the "technological illiterates" who still use printed Bibles, sources confirmed.

The man, who identified himself as John Smith, said he prefers the convenience and efficiency of reading the Bible on his smartphone, rather than carrying around a bulky and outdated book.

"I don't understand why people still use printed Bibles in this day and age," Smith said. "They are so heavy, slow, and hard to navigate. You have to flip through pages, look up verses in the index, and deal with ink smudges and torn pages. It's like they are living in the Dark Ages. Just because the authors were nomadic shepherds doesn’t mean you have to read like one."

Smith said he enjoys the benefits of using the Bible app, such as having access to multiple translations, commentaries, dictionaries, and cross-references at his fingertips. He also said he likes to highlight, bookmark, and share verses on social media with ease.

"I can read the Bible anytime, anywhere, on any device," Smith said. "I can switch between versions, compare notes, and search for keywords in seconds. I can also customize the font size, color, and background to suit my preferences. The Bible app is clearly superior to printed Bibles in every way."

Smith said he often feels sorry for the people who use printed Bibles, especially when he sees them struggling to find a passage or carrying a heavy stack of books.

"They are missing out on so much," Smith said. "They are wasting time and energy that could be spent on more productive things. They are also exposing themselves to germs and dust that could harm their health. They should really upgrade to the Bible app and join the 21st century."

Smith said he hopes that one day, everyone will use the Bible app and realize how much better it is than printed Bibles.

"Maybe then they will stop being so ignorant and backward," Smith said. "Maybe then they will appreciate the wonders of technology and the beauty of God's word."

Comments

April Atheists Day

Pictured: logo of the National Atheist Party (unaffiliated) April Fools’ Day is a well-known tradition of pranking and joking around with friends and family. But did you know that it is also a holiday for atheists? That’s right, every year on April 1st, atheists celebrate their disbelief in God and mock the religious beliefs of others. According to some historians, April Fools’ Day originated from the medieval practice of changing the calendar from the Julian to the Gregorian system, which moved the start of the new year from March 25th to January 1st. Those who refused to accept the change or were unaware of it were called “April fools” and ridiculed by others. Some atheists claim that this date has now become a symbolic representation of their rejection of the Christian faith and its calendar. May atheists now hold that April Fools’ Day has become a day of celebration and liberation from the tyranny and oppression of religion. They argue that religion is based on superstit...

Shane & Shane’s Newest Partnership: Slayer

Bethel Music Out, “Reign in Worship” Begins In a shocking turn of events, the popular Christian worship duo Shane and Shane responded to the public backlash and have announced that they are canceling their planned collaboration with Bethel music, citing "creative differences" and "theological concerns". Instead, they have revealed that they are partnering with the legendary thrash metal band Slayer for a new album and tour. "We feel that Slayer is a better fit for our vision and message," said Shane Barnard, one half of the duo. "They are passionate, authentic, and not afraid to challenge the status quo. We share a lot of common ground with them, especially on topics like sin, judgment, and the end times." Shane Everett, the other half of the duo, added: "We have always admired Slayer's musical prowess and lyrical depth. They are masters of their craft and have influenced generations of metalheads. We are honored to join forces with them...

Presbyterians Launch "Sprinkling Correction" Baptism Program Sources

Local Presbyterian Church Launches "Re-Baptism" Program to Correct Immersion Errors ANYTOWN, USA - In a controversial move, the First Presbyterian Church of Anytown has announced a new program to "re-baptize" members of the congregation who were previously baptized by immersion at other churches. "Immersion baptism is simply unbiblical," declared Reverend Percival Fitzwilliam, the senior pastor. "The true symbol of cleansing and renewal is the gentle sprinkling of water from above, not the violent dunking associated with judgment and death." Citing biblical references to the Great Flood, where the wicked were destroyed by being submerged in water, and the Egyptians who drowned in the Red Sea, Fitzwilliam argued that immersion represents a "baptism of condemnation" rather than salvation. "In contrast, the rain that fell on Noah's ark and the Israelites as they crossed the Red Sea was a symbol of God's blessing and purificati...

The Calvinist Chronicle

Search This Blog