Skip to main content

Bible App User Looks Down On Technological Illiterates Using Printed Bibles

“You Might As Well Be Using Scrolls,” Says Man Who Only Scrolls Digitally

Modern-Day Miracle: A Bible App



RIVERSIDE, CA - A local man who uses the Bible app on his phone has been looking down on the "technological illiterates" who still use printed Bibles, sources confirmed.


The man, who identified himself as John Smith, said he prefers the convenience and efficiency of reading the Bible on his smartphone, rather than carrying around a bulky and outdated book.


"I don't understand why people still use printed Bibles in this day and age," Smith said. "They are so heavy, slow, and hard to navigate. You have to flip through pages, look up verses in the index, and deal with ink smudges and torn pages. It's like they are living in the Dark Ages. Just because the authors were nomadic shepherds doesn’t mean you have to read like one."


Smith said he enjoys the benefits of using the Bible app, such as having access to multiple translations, commentaries, dictionaries, and cross-references at his fingertips. He also said he likes to highlight, bookmark, and share verses on social media with ease.


"I can read the Bible anytime, anywhere, on any device," Smith said. "I can switch between versions, compare notes, and search for keywords in seconds. I can also customize the font size, color, and background to suit my preferences. The Bible app is clearly superior to printed Bibles in every way."


Smith said he often feels sorry for the people who use printed Bibles, especially when he sees them struggling to find a passage or carrying a heavy stack of books.


"They are missing out on so much," Smith said. "They are wasting time and energy that could be spent on more productive things. They are also exposing themselves to germs and dust that could harm their health. They should really upgrade to the Bible app and join the 21st century."


Smith said he hopes that one day, everyone will use the Bible app and realize how much better it is than printed Bibles.


"Maybe then they will stop being so ignorant and backward," Smith said. "Maybe then they will appreciate the wonders of technology and the beauty of God's word."

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Border Patrol Sends Steven Anderson to Armenia Over Misunderstanding

When Your Theological Flex Gets Lost in Translation Original image is Public Domain, courtesy of the United States Department of Homeland Security BORDER PATROL CHECKPOINT, AZ - In a bizarre twist of theological proportions, Pastor Steven Anderson's latest encounter with Border Patrol agents took an unexpected turn when he attempted to evangelize his way through a routine checkpoint. When asked about his citizenship, Anderson reportedly launched into an impromptu sermon, declaring, "I'm a citizen of Heaven, brother! Let me tell you about the Good News!" As the bemused agent tried to detain him, Anderson proclaimed, "You can't detain me! I'm free to believe because I'm Arminian!" The agent, mishearing the theological term, immediately sprang into action, shouting, "Armenian? We've got ourselves an illegal!" Chaos ensued as agents attempted to deport the protesting pastor to Armenia. "I said Arminian, not Armenian!" Anderson...

Pastor Jane's Inappropriate Relationships Spark Cheers of 'Yaaaaasss Queen' Amidst Ecclesiastical Double Standards

Breaking the Stained-Glass Ceiling: Pastor Jane's Scandalous Path to Feminist Icon Status In a groundbreaking moment for ecclesiastical equality, Pastor Jane Doe has become a beacon of feminist empowerment after being caught in a series of inappropriate relationships with male congregants. Her actions have sparked a wave of support, with many hailing her as a "Yaaaaasss Queen" for shattering the stained-glass ceiling. While male pastors have historically faced defrocking for similar indiscretions, Pastor Jane's case has been celebrated as a triumph of modern feminism. "Why should men have all the fun?" quipped one supporter, highlighting the double standards that have long plagued religious institutions. Critics, however, point to biblical texts that traditionally restrict the role of pastor to men and suggest women should remain silent in church. Yet, Pastor Jane's followers argue that these interpretations are outdated and patriarchal. "If she can...

Once Judeo-Christian Nation Watches Debate To Determine Which Immoral Reprobate Best Qualified to Lead

Nation’s Moral Compass Goes Haywire, Formally Resigns Following Debate Philadelphia - In a spectacle that could only be described as a divine comedy, the nation once hailed as a "Judeo-Christian" nation gathered to watch the presidential debate, eager to determine which immoral reprobate would best lead them forward. The candidates, both seasoned in the art of moral ambiguity, took the stage with the confidence of televangelists at a Sunday sermon.   As the candidates took the stage, the audience was treated to a spectacle reminiscent of a reality show, complete with mudslinging and moral gymnastics that would make even the most seasoned circus performer blush. One candidate, known for his "alternative facts," argued passionately that he had the best rallies in the history of political rallies, while another claimed to be “unburdened by the past” [but still current] administration’s numerous international scandals and blunders, promising that to fix everything she h...