Christian Man Claims He Doesn’t Need to go to Church

Man Claims He and God “Are Cool” and “Have an Understanding”

Bob was a Christian, but he hated going to church. He thought it was boring, tedious, and hypocritical. He preferred to stay at home on Sundays, watch TV, play video games, and order pizza. He didn't care about the sermons, the prayers, the hymns, or the rituals. He believed that he and God were "good", and that he didn't need to do anything else to please Him.

One Sunday morning, Bob's mother called him and asked him why he never went to church. She said that it was important to worship God, to fellowship with other believers, and to grow in faith. She said that God was not happy with Bob's lifestyle, and that he needed to repent and change his ways. She invited him to go to church with the rest of the family.

Bob rolled his eyes and said, "Mom, don't worry about me. I'm fine. God and I are good. We have a special relationship. He knows my heart. He knows that I love Him. He doesn't care if I go to church or not. He understands me. He's cool with me."

Bob's mother was shocked and appalled by Bob's words. She said, "Bob, you are deluding yourself. You are not good with God. You are disobeying His commands. You are neglecting His word. You are ignoring His voice. You are spurning His grace. You are living in sin. You are in danger of hell. You need to repent and turn back to God before it's too late."

Bob sighed and said, "Mom, you're being too dramatic. Relax. God is not like that. He's not angry with me. He's not judging me. He's not punishing me. He's not threatening me. He's loving me. He's forgiving me. He's blessing me. He's protecting me. He's smiling at me."

Bob's mother was speechless and saddened by Bob's words. She said, "Bob, I love you, but you are wrong. You are deceiving yourself. You are not following the true God. You are following a false god of your own imagination. You are making God in your own image. You are twisting God to suit your own desires. You are rejecting the real God who revealed Himself in the Bible and in Jesus Christ."

Bob laughed and said, "Mom, you're being too narrow-minded. Open your eyes. God is bigger than the Bible and Jesus Christ. God is everywhere and in everything. God is whatever you want Him to be. God is whatever makes you happy. God is whatever works for you."

Bob hung up the phone and turned on the TV.

He saw a breaking news report.

A massive earthquake had struck his city.

His house collapsed shortly after.

He died.

He should have gone to church.

The end.

Comments

April Atheists Day

Pictured: logo of the National Atheist Party (unaffiliated) April Fools’ Day is a well-known tradition of pranking and joking around with friends and family. But did you know that it is also a holiday for atheists? That’s right, every year on April 1st, atheists celebrate their disbelief in God and mock the religious beliefs of others. According to some historians, April Fools’ Day originated from the medieval practice of changing the calendar from the Julian to the Gregorian system, which moved the start of the new year from March 25th to January 1st. Those who refused to accept the change or were unaware of it were called “April fools” and ridiculed by others. Some atheists claim that this date has now become a symbolic representation of their rejection of the Christian faith and its calendar. May atheists now hold that April Fools’ Day has become a day of celebration and liberation from the tyranny and oppression of religion. They argue that religion is based on superstit...

Shane & Shane’s Newest Partnership: Slayer

Bethel Music Out, “Reign in Worship” Begins In a shocking turn of events, the popular Christian worship duo Shane and Shane responded to the public backlash and have announced that they are canceling their planned collaboration with Bethel music, citing "creative differences" and "theological concerns". Instead, they have revealed that they are partnering with the legendary thrash metal band Slayer for a new album and tour. "We feel that Slayer is a better fit for our vision and message," said Shane Barnard, one half of the duo. "They are passionate, authentic, and not afraid to challenge the status quo. We share a lot of common ground with them, especially on topics like sin, judgment, and the end times." Shane Everett, the other half of the duo, added: "We have always admired Slayer's musical prowess and lyrical depth. They are masters of their craft and have influenced generations of metalheads. We are honored to join forces with them...

Presbyterians Launch "Sprinkling Correction" Baptism Program Sources

Local Presbyterian Church Launches "Re-Baptism" Program to Correct Immersion Errors ANYTOWN, USA - In a controversial move, the First Presbyterian Church of Anytown has announced a new program to "re-baptize" members of the congregation who were previously baptized by immersion at other churches. "Immersion baptism is simply unbiblical," declared Reverend Percival Fitzwilliam, the senior pastor. "The true symbol of cleansing and renewal is the gentle sprinkling of water from above, not the violent dunking associated with judgment and death." Citing biblical references to the Great Flood, where the wicked were destroyed by being submerged in water, and the Egyptians who drowned in the Red Sea, Fitzwilliam argued that immersion represents a "baptism of condemnation" rather than salvation. "In contrast, the rain that fell on Noah's ark and the Israelites as they crossed the Red Sea was a symbol of God's blessing and purificati...

The Calvinist Chronicle

Search This Blog