Christian Man Claims He Doesn’t Need to go to Church

Man Claims He and God “Are Cool” and “Have an Understanding”

Bob was a Christian, but he hated going to church. He thought it was boring, tedious, and hypocritical. He preferred to stay at home on Sundays, watch TV, play video games, and order pizza. He didn't care about the sermons, the prayers, the hymns, or the rituals. He believed that he and God were "good", and that he didn't need to do anything else to please Him.

One Sunday morning, Bob's mother called him and asked him why he never went to church. She said that it was important to worship God, to fellowship with other believers, and to grow in faith. She said that God was not happy with Bob's lifestyle, and that he needed to repent and change his ways. She invited him to go to church with the rest of the family.

Bob rolled his eyes and said, "Mom, don't worry about me. I'm fine. God and I are good. We have a special relationship. He knows my heart. He knows that I love Him. He doesn't care if I go to church or not. He understands me. He's cool with me."

Bob's mother was shocked and appalled by Bob's words. She said, "Bob, you are deluding yourself. You are not good with God. You are disobeying His commands. You are neglecting His word. You are ignoring His voice. You are spurning His grace. You are living in sin. You are in danger of hell. You need to repent and turn back to God before it's too late."

Bob sighed and said, "Mom, you're being too dramatic. Relax. God is not like that. He's not angry with me. He's not judging me. He's not punishing me. He's not threatening me. He's loving me. He's forgiving me. He's blessing me. He's protecting me. He's smiling at me."

Bob's mother was speechless and saddened by Bob's words. She said, "Bob, I love you, but you are wrong. You are deceiving yourself. You are not following the true God. You are following a false god of your own imagination. You are making God in your own image. You are twisting God to suit your own desires. You are rejecting the real God who revealed Himself in the Bible and in Jesus Christ."

Bob laughed and said, "Mom, you're being too narrow-minded. Open your eyes. God is bigger than the Bible and Jesus Christ. God is everywhere and in everything. God is whatever you want Him to be. God is whatever makes you happy. God is whatever works for you."

Bob hung up the phone and turned on the TV.

He saw a breaking news report.

A massive earthquake had struck his city.

His house collapsed shortly after.

He died.

He should have gone to church.

The end.

Comments

Martin Luther’s Surprising Opening at the Diet of Worms: “I Grew Up In A Middle Class Family”

What He Could Be (Protestant), Unburdened By What Has Been (Rome) Worms, 1521 – Newly uncovered manuscripts reveal that Martin Luther's famous speech at the Diet of Worms began with an unexpected twist: "Let me start by saying that I grew up in a middle-class family." Luther's opening left the audience puzzled but intrigued. He quickly transitioned to his main argument, maintaining the fiery rhetoric we know today. "Here I stand, I can do no other," he declared, seamlessly blending his personal story with his defiance against the Church. Historians now see Luther's relatable approach as a clever tactic to connect with the common people. "By sharing his humble beginnings, Luther made his revolutionary ideas more accessible," said Dr. Hans Wurst, a Reformation scholar. As we commemorate the Diet of Worms, let's remember Luther not just as a reformer, but as a middle-class hero who knew how to captivate a crowd.

Christian Pacifists Reinterpret Romans 13 After Tragic Animal Incidents

Fred and Peanut Become Latest Mascots for Justice In a surprising twist, Christian pacifists have taken a page from the revolutionary Presbyterians' book by reinterpreting Romans 13, following the tragic demise of Fred the squirrel and Peanut the raccoon at the hands of government officials. These furry martyrs have sparked a theological debate, as pacifists now argue that Romans 13 supports civil disobedience against unjust state actions. Fred and Peanut, beloved local mascots, were allegedly "neutralized" for causing minor disruptions in a public park. Their untimely deaths have become a rallying cry for pacifists, who argue that the state's actions were neither just nor necessary. In response, pacifists assert that Romans 13, traditionally seen as a call to obey governing authorities, actually mandates resistance when the state acts contrary to God's will. They emphasize Paul's call to "overcome evil with good" (Romans 12:21) as a directive to ch...

Satanists Boycott Halloween, Claim It's a Christian Holiday

Satanists Say No to Halloween, Yes to Satan: How a Religious Minority Is Challenging the Status Quo A group of satanists has announced that they will not be celebrating Halloween this year, citing religious reasons. The group, which calls itself the Church of Satan, said that Halloween is actually a Christian holiday that has been corrupted by commercialism and paganism. "Halloween is derived from All Hallows' Eve, the eve of the Christian feast of All Saints' Day," said a spokesperson for the Church of Satan. "It is a time when Christians honor their dead and pray for their souls. We, as satanists, do not believe in such superstitions and do not want to participate in this mockery of our faith." The spokesperson added that Halloween also promotes witchcraft, ghosts, vampires, zombies, and other supernatural creatures that have nothing to do with satanism. "We are not interested in dressing up as fictional characters or begging for candy from strangers....

The Calvinist Chronicle

Search This Blog