The Surprise of Reformed Men’s Retreats

How one man discovered the truth behind the mysterious gatherings of godly men

A curious report has revealed the unexpected reality of the men's retreats organized by the Reformed Church of America. According to a skeptical insider, the retreats are not a cover up for sinful pleasures, but rather a genuine expression of what the men really like doing when their wives aren't around, such as debating theology, barbecuing, drinking whiskey, smoking cigars, going fishing, and just about anything else women don't like doing.

The insider, who had suspected foul play in the past, said that he decided to join the retreats to expose the hypocrisy of the men. He expected to find evidence of immorality, corruption, and scandal. However, to his astonishment, he found out that the men were actually sincere and honest in their activities.

The insider said that the official agenda of the retreats is a true representation of the real agenda, which is decided by a transparent committee of elders. The official agenda usually includes topics such as "How to be a godly husband and father", "How to lead your family in worship", and "How to defend the doctrines of grace". The insider said that these topics are enthusiastically discussed, and that the men have a passion for learning and growing in their faith.

The insider also said that the men enjoy wholesome meals of barbecue, ribs, burgers, and steaks, cooked by a generous chef from within the church. The men also drink reasonable amounts of whiskey, bourbon, and scotch, and smoke quality cigars, while discussing how they lead their families and how to grow the church. The insider said that the men are always sober and courteous, and that they never engage in physical fights over their theological differences, despite spirited conversation over controversial topics such as biblical inerrancy, women in polity, and ecumenical boundaries with people who prefer bourbon over scotch.

The insider also revealed that the men go fishing in a nearby lake, where they catch and release fish, while thanking God for his provision and care. The insider said that the men also play poker, watch sports, and listen to gospel music, while keeping in touch with their supportive wives and children.

The insider said that he was surprised and impressed by the retreats, and that he changed his mind about the men. He said that he realized that the men were not hiding anything, but rather enjoying their God-given gifts and interests. He said that he hopes that his report will clear any doubts or suspicions about the retreats, and that he encourages other men to join them.

The Reformed Church of America has appreciated the report, and has invited the insider to become a regular member of the retreats. The church has also announced that it is planning to hold another men's retreat next month, with the theme of "How to be a faithful witness in a hostile world."