Satanists Boycott Halloween, Claim It's a Christian Holiday

Satanists Say No to Halloween, Yes to Satan: How a Religious Minority Is Challenging the Status Quo

A group of satanists has announced that they will not be celebrating Halloween this year, citing religious reasons. The group, which calls itself the Church of Satan, said that Halloween is actually a Christian holiday that has been corrupted by commercialism and paganism.

"Halloween is derived from All Hallows' Eve, the eve of the Christian feast of All Saints' Day," said a spokesperson for the Church of Satan. "It is a time when Christians honor their dead and pray for their souls. We, as satanists, do not believe in such superstitions and do not want to participate in this mockery of our faith."

The spokesperson added that Halloween also promotes witchcraft, ghosts, vampires, zombies, and other supernatural creatures that have nothing to do with satanism. "We are not interested in dressing up as fictional characters or begging for candy from strangers. We are serious about our devotion to Satan and our rejection of God and his followers."

The Church of Satan said that instead of celebrating Halloween, they will be holding a special ritual on October 31st to honor their dark lord and curse their enemies. They also urged other satanists to join them in boycotting Halloween and spreading the truth about its origins.

"We hope that by doing this, we can educate the public about the true nature of satanism and dispel the myths and stereotypes that surround it," the spokesperson said. "We are not evil, we are not violent, we are not immoral. We are simply free thinkers who choose to worship Satan as the ultimate symbol of rebellion and individualism."

The Church of Satan's announcement has been met with mixed reactions from other groups and individuals. Some Christians have applauded the satanists for recognizing the Christian roots of Halloween and respecting their beliefs. Some pagans have criticized the satanists for ignoring the pre-Christian origins of Halloween and dismissing their traditions. Some atheists have mocked the satanists for believing in Satan and wasting their time on rituals. And some Halloween enthusiasts have shrugged off the satanists and said that they will continue to enjoy the holiday regardless of its history or meaning.

Comments

Piper Rebukes Driscoll, Defends Stripper Sword-Swallower

Piper Defends Male Strippers from Driscoll, Says Faith is "Erotic to the Core" MINNEAPOLIS, MN - In a surprising turn of events, prominent evangelical leader John Piper has come out in defense of male strippers, arguing that their profession is a valid expression of Christian spirituality. The controversy began when fellow pastor Mark Driscoll condemned male strippers as "ungodly" and "a threat to the moral fabric of society." Driscoll's comments sparked outrage among some in the Christian community, including Piper, who quickly rushed to the defense of the much-maligned exotic dancers. "Mark Driscoll clearly has a very narrow and repressed view of human sexuality," Piper told reporters. "As I've said many times, the Christian faith is erotic to the core. God created us as sexual beings, and that includes the male stripper." Piper went on to cite the "Song of Songs" as biblical evidence that God delights in human sensu...

If You’re Reading This, You Were Left Behind…

…Unless the Dispies Were Wrong (Again) Left Behind: A Practical Guide to Surviving the Apocalypse Redmond, WA — So, you've been left behind. Either the dispensationalists were wrong about the eclipse, or you were too busy binge-watching cat videos during the rapture. Fear not! As the world descends into chaos, here's your step-by-step guide to navigating the great tribulation: 1. Acceptance and Denial First, take a deep breath. You're still here, and that's both a blessing and a curse. Denial is natural. Maybe you're just in a really long line at the celestial DMV, waiting for your turn to ascend. But let's face it: You're stuck on Earth, and the Wi-Fi is terrible. 2. Locate Your Emergency Bunker Remember that walk-in closet you've been using as a storage dump for old shoes and broken dreams? It's now your panic room. Clear out the clutter, stock up on essentials, and make it cozy. Add some motivational posters like "Hang in There, Left-Behinder...

Border Patrol Sends Steven Anderson to Armenia Over Misunderstanding

When Your Theological Flex Gets Lost in Translation Original image is Public Domain, courtesy of the United States Department of Homeland Security BORDER PATROL CHECKPOINT, AZ - In a bizarre twist of theological proportions, Pastor Steven Anderson's latest encounter with Border Patrol agents took an unexpected turn when he attempted to evangelize his way through a routine checkpoint. When asked about his citizenship, Anderson reportedly launched into an impromptu sermon, declaring, "I'm a citizen of Heaven, brother! Let me tell you about the Good News!" As the bemused agent tried to detain him, Anderson proclaimed, "You can't detain me! I'm free to believe because I'm Arminian!" The agent, mishearing the theological term, immediately sprang into action, shouting, "Armenian? We've got ourselves an illegal!" Chaos ensued as agents attempted to deport the protesting pastor to Armenia. "I said Arminian, not Armenian!" Anderson...

The Calvinist Chronicle

Search This Blog