Arminian Man Converts to Calvinism After Hearing Mariah Carey's Song

All I Want For Christmas is Calvinism

COSTA MESA, CA - A local Arminian man, who had been resisting the doctrines of grace for years, finally embraced Calvinism after hearing Mariah Carey's song "All I Want for Christmas Is You" being played in a mall on November 1st.

The man, identified as John Thomas, was shopping for some Halloween candy on clearance when he heard the familiar tune of the popular Christmas song. He said he felt a sudden horror and disgust at the wickedness and depravity of the person who would play such a song so early.

"I realized that whoever played that song must have a reprobate mind, totally corrupted by sin and unable to please God," Thomas said. "I realized that I was no better than that person, that I was also a sinner deserving of God's wrath. I realized that I was totally depraved and unable to choose God on my own."

Thomas also said that the lyrics of the [in]famous song made him realize that free-will theism made God sound just as pathetic as Mariah Carey begging for the affections of her would-be lover:

“Oh, I just want you for my own

More than you could ever know

Make my wish come true

Baby, all I want for Christmas is you

You, baby”

Thomas said he immediately ran out of the mall and went to the nearest bookstore, where he bought a copy of John Calvin's Institutes of the Christian Religion. He said he spent the next several hours reading the book and praying for God to have mercy on him.

"I felt a grace and a forgiveness that I had never felt before," Thomas said. "I knew that God had chosen me before the foundation of the world, and that He had spared me from His righteous judgment. I knew that He had sent His Son to die for me, and that He had given me the gift of faith to believe in Him. I knew that He was working all things for my good and His glory."

Thomas said he has since joined a Reformed church and has been attending a weekly Bible study on the five points of Calvinism. He said he plans to celebrate Christmas this year by singing psalms and reading the Westminster Confession of Faith.

He also said he has deleted all of Mariah Carey's songs from his phone and has vowed never to listen to them again.

"I don't want anything for Christmas, except Jesus," Thomas said. "…and a 4-volume set of Bavinck’s ‘Reformed Dogmatics.’”

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