Calvinist Fails to Prove He's Not a Bot

Website’s security test challenges doctrine of predestination and human nature

A Calvinist from Wisconsin was unable to pass a simple "prove you're not a bot" test on a webpage, leading to his frustration and embarrassment.

The test, which is commonly used to prevent automated spam and malicious attacks, asked the user to select all the images that contained traffic lights from a grid of nine pictures. However, the Calvinist, who believes that humans are robots with no free will and that everything is predetermined by God, failed to complete the task.

"I don't understand why they are asking me to do this," the Calvinist said. "It's not like I have a choice in the matter. God has already decided which images I will click on, and nothing I do can change that. How can you do this? This is outrageous; it's unfair. How can you be a Calvinist and not be a robot?"

The Calvinist also claimed that the test was biased against his theological views, and that it was designed to discriminate against him and other Calvinists.

"They are trying to make me doubt my faith and my salvation," he said. "They are implying that I am not a real human being, but a bot. But I know that I am a human being, because God created me in his image and chose me to be one of his elect. I don't need to prove anything to anyone."

The Calvinist said he tried to contact the website's customer service to complain about the test, but he was met with another "prove you're not a bot" test that asked him to type in a captcha code.

"I gave up after that," he said. "It was too much for me. I guess I'll just have to accept that some websites are not meant for me. Maybe God has a reason for this. Maybe he wants me to spend less time on the internet and more time on reading the Bible and praying. After all, he knows what's best for me."

Comments

April Atheists Day

Pictured: logo of the National Atheist Party (unaffiliated) April Fools’ Day is a well-known tradition of pranking and joking around with friends and family. But did you know that it is also a holiday for atheists? That’s right, every year on April 1st, atheists celebrate their disbelief in God and mock the religious beliefs of others. According to some historians, April Fools’ Day originated from the medieval practice of changing the calendar from the Julian to the Gregorian system, which moved the start of the new year from March 25th to January 1st. Those who refused to accept the change or were unaware of it were called “April fools” and ridiculed by others. Some atheists claim that this date has now become a symbolic representation of their rejection of the Christian faith and its calendar. May atheists now hold that April Fools’ Day has become a day of celebration and liberation from the tyranny and oppression of religion. They argue that religion is based on superstit...

Shane & Shane’s Newest Partnership: Slayer

Bethel Music Out, “Reign in Worship” Begins In a shocking turn of events, the popular Christian worship duo Shane and Shane responded to the public backlash and have announced that they are canceling their planned collaboration with Bethel music, citing "creative differences" and "theological concerns". Instead, they have revealed that they are partnering with the legendary thrash metal band Slayer for a new album and tour. "We feel that Slayer is a better fit for our vision and message," said Shane Barnard, one half of the duo. "They are passionate, authentic, and not afraid to challenge the status quo. We share a lot of common ground with them, especially on topics like sin, judgment, and the end times." Shane Everett, the other half of the duo, added: "We have always admired Slayer's musical prowess and lyrical depth. They are masters of their craft and have influenced generations of metalheads. We are honored to join forces with them...

Presbyterians Launch "Sprinkling Correction" Baptism Program Sources

Local Presbyterian Church Launches "Re-Baptism" Program to Correct Immersion Errors ANYTOWN, USA - In a controversial move, the First Presbyterian Church of Anytown has announced a new program to "re-baptize" members of the congregation who were previously baptized by immersion at other churches. "Immersion baptism is simply unbiblical," declared Reverend Percival Fitzwilliam, the senior pastor. "The true symbol of cleansing and renewal is the gentle sprinkling of water from above, not the violent dunking associated with judgment and death." Citing biblical references to the Great Flood, where the wicked were destroyed by being submerged in water, and the Egyptians who drowned in the Red Sea, Fitzwilliam argued that immersion represents a "baptism of condemnation" rather than salvation. "In contrast, the rain that fell on Noah's ark and the Israelites as they crossed the Red Sea was a symbol of God's blessing and purificati...

The Calvinist Chronicle

Search This Blog