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Calvinist Fails to Prove He's Not a Bot

Website’s security test challenges doctrine of predestination and human nature




A Calvinist from Wisconsin was unable to pass a simple "prove you're not a bot" test on a webpage, leading to his frustration and embarrassment.


The test, which is commonly used to prevent automated spam and malicious attacks, asked the user to select all the images that contained traffic lights from a grid of nine pictures. However, the Calvinist, who believes that humans are robots with no free will and that everything is predetermined by God, failed to complete the task.


"I don't understand why they are asking me to do this," the Calvinist said. "It's not like I have a choice in the matter. God has already decided which images I will click on, and nothing I do can change that. How can you do this? This is outrageous; it's unfair. How can you be a Calvinist and not be a robot?"


The Calvinist also claimed that the test was biased against his theological views, and that it was designed to discriminate against him and other Calvinists.


"They are trying to make me doubt my faith and my salvation," he said. "They are implying that I am not a real human being, but a bot. But I know that I am a human being, because God created me in his image and chose me to be one of his elect. I don't need to prove anything to anyone."


The Calvinist said he tried to contact the website's customer service to complain about the test, but he was met with another "prove you're not a bot" test that asked him to type in a captcha code.


"I gave up after that," he said. "It was too much for me. I guess I'll just have to accept that some websites are not meant for me. Maybe God has a reason for this. Maybe he wants me to spend less time on the internet and more time on reading the Bible and praying. After all, he knows what's best for me." 

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