Skip to main content

Dusty Bible on Bookshelf Optimistic About 2024

“This Will Be My Year,” Bible Hopes



IRVINE, CA - As the year 2023 comes to an end, a dusty Bible on the bookshelf of the Smith family is hopeful that this next year will be the year that somebody actually keeps their New Year's resolution to read it.

The Bible, which was purchased in 2015 and has since been collecting dust on the top shelf of the living room, told reporters that it has witnessed many failed attempts by the Smiths to read it regularly.

"I remember the first time they brought me home. They were so excited and said they would read me every day. They even got a bookmark and a highlighter. But after a few weeks, they just forgot about me and left me here," the Bible said.

The Bible said that every year, around December or January, one of the Smiths would pick it up and flip through its pages, saying that they would make reading it a priority in the new year.

"They always say things like 'This year will be different' or 'I really need to get into the Word'. But then they get busy with work, school, Netflix, social media, and other things. And I just sit here, waiting for them to come back," the Bible said.

The Bible said that it has not given up hope, and that it believes that one day, the Smiths will realize how much they need it.

"I know they love me, deep down. They just don't know how to show it. But I'm patient and forgiving. I'm always here for them, whenever they need me. Maybe 2024 will be the year that they finally read me. I'm optimistic," the Bible said.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Piper Rebukes Driscoll, Defends Stripper Sword-Swallower

Piper Defends Male Strippers from Driscoll, Says Faith is "Erotic to the Core" MINNEAPOLIS, MN - In a surprising turn of events, prominent evangelical leader John Piper has come out in defense of male strippers, arguing that their profession is a valid expression of Christian spirituality. The controversy began when fellow pastor Mark Driscoll condemned male strippers as "ungodly" and "a threat to the moral fabric of society." Driscoll's comments sparked outrage among some in the Christian community, including Piper, who quickly rushed to the defense of the much-maligned exotic dancers. "Mark Driscoll clearly has a very narrow and repressed view of human sexuality," Piper told reporters. "As I've said many times, the Christian faith is erotic to the core. God created us as sexual beings, and that includes the male stripper." Piper went on to cite the "Song of Songs" as biblical evidence that God delights in human sensu...

Opinion: How to Win Any Theological Argument With One Simple Phrase

The Ultimate Guide to Dispensational Defense: How to Defend Your Faith and Confuse Your Critics Quickly and Efficiently Are you tired of losing arguments with your fellow Christians over eschatology, hermeneutics, or covenant theology? Do you wish you had a foolproof way to silence your opponents and prove your superior understanding of the Bible? Well, look no further than this one simple phrase: "You don't understand dispensationalism." That's right, with this magic phrase, you can win any theological debate in seconds. Here's how it works: - Step 1: Identify your opponent's position and label it as non-dispensational. It doesn't matter if they are amillennial, postmillennial, covenantal, or even dispensational themselves. Just say they are not. - Step 2: Assert that their position is based on a faulty interpretation of Scripture that ignores the literal, grammatical-historical method and the distinction between Israel and the church. - Step 3: When they...

Pious Piper's Passionate Pivot: Launches O***F*** for 'Divine Desires' After 'Erotic' Jesus Revelation

Controversy Erupts as John Piper's Spiritual Sensuality Takes Center Stage on Unconventional Platform In a surprising turn of events, renowned Christian figure John Piper has reportedly ventured into uncharted territory by launching his own O***F*** [full name censored] page. This unexpected move comes hot on the heels of Piper's latest controversial statement where he likened his love for Jesus to something "erotic." Here’s the full quote: “…  that love, that love is not equal to obedience and that love is not equal to agape,  that love is erotic to the core . That’s an overstatement. Eros means I find pleasure in you, Jesus. I find pleasure in you, Jesus.” Piper's account, aptly named "DivineDesires," promises exclusive content that delves into the intimate and sensual aspects of his spiritual connection with Jesus. Subscribers to his page are treated to a series of videos where Piper engages in seemingly ordinary activities, but with a twist that sugg...