Skip to main content

Man Flu: God’s (Other) Punishment for Adam’s Sin

Historians Uncover Missing Verse in Genesis, Reveal Adam's Flu Curse




A team of historians from Harvard University has made a shocking discovery that could change the way we understand the biblical story of Adam and Eve. The researchers claim to have found a missing verse in the third chapter of Genesis, where God also curses Adam with a chronic and debilitating flu that would only affect him and not Eve.


The verse, which was apparently omitted from most translations of the Bible, reads as follows:


“And the Lord God said unto Adam, ‘Because thou hast hearkened unto the voice of thy wife, and hast eaten of the tree, of which I commanded thee, saying, Thou shalt not eat of it: cursed is the ground for thy sake; in sorrow shalt thou eat of it all the days of thy life; Thorns also and thistles shall it bring forth to thee; and thou shalt eat the herb of the field; In the sweat of thy face shalt thou eat bread, till thou return unto the ground; for out of it wast thou taken: for dust thou art, and unto dust shalt thou return. And behold, I will also smite thee with a grievous sickness, that shall cause thee to cough and sneeze and have a fever and a sore throat and a runny nose and a headache and a body ache and a loss of taste and smell and a fatigue and a nausea and a diarrhea and a vomiting and a shortness of breath and a chest pain and a confusion and a dizziness and a fainting and a coma and a death. And this sickness shall be upon thee all the days of thy life, and thou shalt not be able to escape it, nor shalt thou find any remedy for it. But thy wife, whom thou hast loved, shall not suffer from this sickness, nor shall she be affected by it in any way. For she is the mother of all living, and I have blessed her above thee. And she shall see thy misery, and shall mock thee, and shall say unto thee, Where is thy God now? And she shall complaineth incessantly and see to the household while thou layest in bed for all of the day.’” (Genesis 3:17-22, Revised Standard Version with Missing Verse)


The historians say that this verse explains why men are more susceptible to the flu than women, and why they tend to complain more when they are sick. They also suggest that this verse could be the origin of the term "man flu", which is used to describe the exaggerated symptoms that some men experience when they have a cold or a flu.


The discovery has sparked a heated debate among scholars, theologians, and believers, who have different opinions on the authenticity and the implications of the missing verse. Some argue that the verse is a hoax, or a later addition, or a mistranslation, or a metaphor, or a joke, or a test of faith. Others accept the verse as genuine, and say that it reveals a new aspect of God's justice and mercy, or his wrath and cruelty, or his sense of humor and irony, or his mysterious and incomprehensible ways.


The historians who found the verse say that they are not trying to challenge or undermine anyone's beliefs, but rather to enrich and expand our knowledge of the ancient texts and cultures. They say that they hope that their discovery will inspire more research and dialogue, and will help us to better understand ourselves and our history.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Christian Pacifists Reinterpret Romans 13 After Tragic Animal Incidents

Fred and Peanut Become Latest Mascots for Justice  In a surprising twist, Christian pacifists have taken a page from the revolutionary Presbyterians' book by reinterpreting Romans 13, following the tragic demise of Fred the squirrel and Peanut the raccoon at the hands of government officials. These furry martyrs have sparked a theological debate, as pacifists now argue that Romans 13 supports civil disobedience against unjust state actions. Fred and Peanut, beloved local mascots, were allegedly "neutralized" for causing minor disruptions in a public park. Their untimely deaths have become a rallying cry for pacifists, who argue that the state's actions were neither just nor necessary. In response, pacifists assert that Romans 13, traditionally seen as a call to obey governing authorities, actually mandates resistance when the state acts contrary to God's will. They emphasize Paul's call to "overcome evil with good" (Romans 12:21) as a directive to ch...
Post a Comment
Read more

Cracker Barrel Celebrates Pride with Drag Brunch and Bud Light

Cracker Barrel's Business Booms Despite Conservative Boycotts Thanks to Drag Queen Brunch and Bud Light Image source: Cracker Barrel's Official Facebook Page Cracker Barrel Old Country Store, the popular Southern-themed restaurant chain, has seen a surge in business despite facing boycotts from conservative groups for its support of Pride Month. The reason? A new menu item that has attracted customers from all walks of life: the drag queen brunch. The drag queen brunch, which is offered every Sunday from 10 a.m. to 2 p.m., features a variety of dishes such as rainbow pancakes, glitter grits, and fabulous french toast. But the main attraction is the live entertainment provided by some of the most talented drag queens in the country, who perform songs, dances, and comedy routines while interacting with the guests. "We wanted to do something fun and different to celebrate Pride Month and show our support for the LGBTQ+ community," said Cracker Barrel CEO Sandra Cochran. ...
Post a Comment
Read more

Men Named "David" More Likely to Suffer Identity Crisis

Matt Chandler, the lead pastor of Southern Village Church in Flower Mound, Texas, has shot to the evangelical spotlight in after preaching a sermon in which he proclaims that "You're not David!" to an unsuspecting captive audience. In doing so, however, he inadvertently caused a mass identity crisis among an unlikely, oddly-specific demographic: people who actually are named "David." One person, who commented on the condition of anonymity, said: "I've been called David my whole life. Now that I've been told I'm not David, I don't even know who I am anymore. I've started going by my middle name, but nobody's ever called me "Matthew" before and it's really taking some getting used to. My children look at me like I'm a stranger. My wife says she feels like she's sleeping with another man. I feel like a stranger in my own skin. I'm having an identity crisis. What do I do? We reached out to a local counselor for ...
Post a Comment
Read more