Skip to main content

Molinism: The Ultimate Troll Move by the Jesuits

A Hilarious Hoax or Brilliant Satire?




A shocking discovery has been made by a team of historians who were studying the manuscripts of Luis de Molina, the 16th-century Spanish theologian who is credited with developing the doctrine of Molinism. According to the researchers, they found a hidden note in one of the pages, written in a secret code, that reveals the true intention behind Molinism: it was a satirical attempt by the Jesuits to blend Calvinism and Arminianism to mock them both.

Molinism is a theological system that tries to reconcile the sovereignty of God and the free will of humans, by proposing that God has middle knowledge of all possible scenarios and chooses the best one to actualize. It was meant to be a middle ground between the Calvinist view that God predestines everything and the Arminian view that God foresees everything.

However, the note, which was deciphered by a cryptologist, says that Molinism was actually a joke devised by Molina and his fellow Jesuits, who were bored with the endless debates between Calvinists and Arminians. They decided to create a doctrine that would combine the most absurd elements of both sides, and see how long they could fool the world. The note reads:

We, the Society of Jesus, confess that Molinism is nothing but a jest, a farce, a parody of the foolish controversies that divide the Christian world. We have invented it to expose the absurdity of both Calvinism and Arminianism, and to show that neither of them can account for the mystery of God's grace and human freedom. We have amused ourselves greatly by seeing how many people have taken our invention seriously, and how many books and articles have been written to defend or attack it. We have also enjoyed the confusion and consternation that our doctrine has caused among our enemies, especially the Calvinists, who have accused us of heresy, Pelagianism, and even atheism. We have had a good laugh at their expense, and we hope that God will forgive us for our harmless prank.

The historians who made the discovery said that they were stunned and baffled by the revelation, and that they had to verify the authenticity of the note several times before they could believe it. They said that the note raises many questions about the history of theology, and that it casts doubt on the credibility of Molinism as a serious doctrine.

The news has also caused a stir among the followers of Molinism, who are mostly found among the Reformed, Methodist, and Pentecostal churches. Some of them have expressed disbelief and denial, saying that the note is a forgery or a hoax. Others have expressed anger and betrayal, saying that they feel cheated and deceived by the Jesuits. Still others have expressed humor and irony, saying that they appreciate the joke and that they will continue to hold to Molinism as a valid option.

The Jesuits, who are known for their education and intelligence, have not issued any official statement on the matter, but some sources say that they are secretly amused by the whole affair, and that they are planning to reveal more pranks in the future.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Dave Ramsey Flags Reformation Heritage Books as “Spiritual Treasure, Budgetary Trap”

Financial guru says the Puritans are great, but maxing out your credit card for a 12‑volume set on covenant theology is not a “baby step.” NASHVILLE — Personal finance icon Dave Ramsey has reportedly issued a pointed caution to Christians everywhere: Reformation Heritage Books is a spiritual danger to your budget, and one careless click on “Complete Works of John Owen” could slide you straight back into the “debt spiral” he has spent decades trying to prevent. According to sources familiar with the matter, the warning came during a segment on “biblically responsible spending,” when a caller asked whether it was wise to purchase a multi‑volume set of Reformed classics on a credit card. “Look,” Ramsey reportedly replied, “I love the Puritans. I love deep theology. I do not love you going into debt for a book you will read six pages of before you fall asleep.” Ramsey’s team is said to have flagged Reformation Heritage Books not because the content is bad, but because the catalog is long, ...
Post a Comment
Read more

Father Warns Children Against Skillet’s ‘Monster,’ Accidentally Explains Doctrine Of Indwelling Sin

Teenager says he understood the song better after dad’s 40-minute lecture against listening to it. OAKDALE, USA — Local Christian parents Mark and Sarah Wilkins banned Skillet’s song “Monster” from the family car this week after learning that the track’s central theme involves the believer’s struggle against sin and the old self. “I had assumed it was merely loud,” Mark Wilkins said. “But then someone told me it is about the inner battle against the sinful nature. That is far too intense for our children.” Skillet is a Christian rock band, and frontman John Cooper has recently argued that hard-rock music is not inherently demonic simply because of its genre or sound.  The Wilkinses said this was exactly the sort of distinction they preferred not to make. “Scripture may talk about putting sin to death, resisting temptation, and waging spiritual war,” Mark said. “But it does not use electric guitars, so we feel safer if those ideas are communicated only through a gentle acoustic song...
Post a Comment
Read more

Church Sound Tech Gets Doom Running On Sanctuary Soundboard

Volunteer says the game is fully contained on the mixer’s tiny touchscreen and has not affected worship, apart from the pastor’s microphone now occasionally displaying “God Mode.” CEDAR GROVE, USA — A Reformed church’s sound technician briefly became the most popular member of the media team Sunday after successfully getting the original Doom to run on the sanctuary’s digital soundboard. The game remained entirely on the console’s maintenance screen, church leaders confirmed, and no imagery or game audio was played through the sanctuary speakers. The soundboard still delivered the sermon, psalms, Scripture reading, and announcements normally—provided nobody pressed the newly labeled button marked DO NOT ENABLE GOD MODE DURING CALL TO WORSHIP. Doom, released by id Software in 1993, became both a landmark first-person shooter and a longstanding target for technical hobbyists who enjoy making it run on improbable hardware.  Digital audio mixers are also common in worship settings, whe...
Post a Comment
Read more