JMac Claims Arminianism Doesn't Exist, Like All the Other Mental Disorders

"Arminianism? More like Arm-in-a-sling-ianism!"

SANTA CLARITA, CA - In a shocking announcement this week, prominent Calvinist pastor John MacArthur declared that the theological system of Arminianism is not a real thing.

"Arminianism? Never heard of it," MacArthur told reporters at a press conference. "Sounds like some made-up nonsense to me. Just like those so-called 'mental disorders' like ADHD and PTSD. Those aren't real either."

MacArthur, known for his hardline Calvinist views and opposition to contemporary psychology, went on to explain that the entire concept of Arminianism, which emphasizes human free will and the possibility of losing one's salvation, is simply a figment of people's imaginations.

"It's all part of Satan's deception to get people to think they have some kind of 'free will' and can 'choose' to follow Christ," MacArthur said. "We all know that's impossible. God predestines everything, period. Arminianism? Nope, doesn't exist."

The pastor then pivoted to dismissing other well-established theological and psychological concepts, including Molinism, Pelagianism, and the entire field of psychiatry.

"These are all just made-up ideas by liberals and heretics to undermine the true faith," MacArthur declared. "I'm going to keep preaching the real gospel of Calvinism, where we have no free will and God controls everything. Because that's the only reality that exists."

At publishing time, MacArthur had also announced plans to publish a new book titled "Everything You Believe is a Lie: Why Your Mind Isn't Real."

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