Skip to main content

JMac Claims Arminianism Doesn't Exist, Like All the Other Mental Disorders

"Arminianism? More like Arm-in-a-sling-ianism!"


SANTA CLARITA, CA - In a shocking announcement this week, prominent Calvinist pastor John MacArthur declared that the theological system of Arminianism is not a real thing. 

"Arminianism? Never heard of it," MacArthur told reporters at a press conference. "Sounds like some made-up nonsense to me. Just like those so-called 'mental disorders' like ADHD and PTSD. Those aren't real either."

MacArthur, known for his hardline Calvinist views and opposition to contemporary psychology, went on to explain that the entire concept of Arminianism, which emphasizes human free will and the possibility of losing one's salvation, is simply a figment of people's imaginations.

"It's all part of Satan's deception to get people to think they have some kind of 'free will' and can 'choose' to follow Christ," MacArthur said. "We all know that's impossible. God predestines everything, period. Arminianism? Nope, doesn't exist."

The pastor then pivoted to dismissing other well-established theological and psychological concepts, including Molinism, Pelagianism, and the entire field of psychiatry.

"These are all just made-up ideas by liberals and heretics to undermine the true faith," MacArthur declared. "I'm going to keep preaching the real gospel of Calvinism, where we have no free will and God controls everything. Because that's the only reality that exists."

At publishing time, MacArthur had also announced plans to publish a new book titled "Everything You Believe is a Lie: Why Your Mind Isn't Real."

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Piper Rebukes Driscoll, Defends Stripper Sword-Swallower

Piper Defends Male Strippers from Driscoll, Says Faith is "Erotic to the Core" MINNEAPOLIS, MN - In a surprising turn of events, prominent evangelical leader John Piper has come out in defense of male strippers, arguing that their profession is a valid expression of Christian spirituality. The controversy began when fellow pastor Mark Driscoll condemned male strippers as "ungodly" and "a threat to the moral fabric of society." Driscoll's comments sparked outrage among some in the Christian community, including Piper, who quickly rushed to the defense of the much-maligned exotic dancers. "Mark Driscoll clearly has a very narrow and repressed view of human sexuality," Piper told reporters. "As I've said many times, the Christian faith is erotic to the core. God created us as sexual beings, and that includes the male stripper." Piper went on to cite the "Song of Songs" as biblical evidence that God delights in human sensu...
Post a Comment
Read more

Opinion: How to Win Any Theological Argument With One Simple Phrase

The Ultimate Guide to Dispensational Defense: How to Defend Your Faith and Confuse Your Critics Quickly and Efficiently Are you tired of losing arguments with your fellow Christians over eschatology, hermeneutics, or covenant theology? Do you wish you had a foolproof way to silence your opponents and prove your superior understanding of the Bible? Well, look no further than this one simple phrase: "You don't understand dispensationalism." That's right, with this magic phrase, you can win any theological debate in seconds. Here's how it works: - Step 1: Identify your opponent's position and label it as non-dispensational. It doesn't matter if they are amillennial, postmillennial, covenantal, or even dispensational themselves. Just say they are not. - Step 2: Assert that their position is based on a faulty interpretation of Scripture that ignores the literal, grammatical-historical method and the distinction between Israel and the church. - Step 3: When they...
Post a Comment
Read more

Pious Piper's Passionate Pivot: Launches O***F*** for 'Divine Desires' After 'Erotic' Jesus Revelation

Controversy Erupts as John Piper's Spiritual Sensuality Takes Center Stage on Unconventional Platform In a surprising turn of events, renowned Christian figure John Piper has reportedly ventured into uncharted territory by launching his own O***F*** [full name censored] page. This unexpected move comes hot on the heels of Piper's latest controversial statement where he likened his love for Jesus to something "erotic." Here’s the full quote: “…  that love, that love is not equal to obedience and that love is not equal to agape,  that love is erotic to the core . That’s an overstatement. Eros means I find pleasure in you, Jesus. I find pleasure in you, Jesus.” Piper's account, aptly named "DivineDesires," promises exclusive content that delves into the intimate and sensual aspects of his spiritual connection with Jesus. Subscribers to his page are treated to a series of videos where Piper engages in seemingly ordinary activities, but with a twist that sugg...
Post a Comment
Read more