Stunned Calvinist Left With No Comeback After Hearing Surprising Verse
GRAND RAPIDS, MI - In a stunning turn of events at the annual Tulip Festival Theological Debate, local provisionist Hank Vreeken claims to have utterly stumped his Calvinist opponent by quoting the famous verse John 3:16.
"I could see the color just drain from his face," said Vreeken, a retired plumber. "He had no comeback at all. It was like I hit him with a theological nuclear bomb."
The verse in question, which reads "For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life," has long been considered a silver bullet against the Calvinist doctrine of limited atonement. However, most Calvinists are well-versed in responding to the argument.*
Not Herman Van Slooten, Vreeken's opponent. "I've been a Calvinist my whole life, and I'd never actually read that verse before," admitted a visibly shaken Van Slooten. "My Bible just goes from John 3:15 straight to John 3:17. The pages were stuck together or something."
Van Slooten, a retired curmudgeon, claims he has spent decades studying the Bible but primarily stuck to reading the Book of Romans over and over, especially the 9th chapter which he had practically memorized. "I'd skim the other books now and then, but I always thought John was just about the incarnation and a bunch of 'I am' statements. Had no idea there were bombs like that in there!"
When asked why he didn't simply respond that the verse does not negate the Calvinist understanding of the extent and efficacy of the atonement, Van Slooten admitted "I just panicked. All Calvinists know you're supposed to just yell 'ROMANS 9!' really loud anytime someone brings up a troubling verse. But my mind went blank."
The debate's moderator eventually had to call a recess and bring Van Slooten a paper bag to breathe into after he started hyperventilating. Vreeken was declared the winner by acclamation.
"I can't believe I wasted 70 years of my life being a Calvinist," a despondent Van Slooten said as he left the stage to a standing ovation from the predominantly Arminian crowd. "If verses like that are allowed, I don't know what I believe anymore."
When reached for comment, prominent Calvinist theologian John Piper expressed dismay at the incident: "Oh man, we've got to get that verse removed from the Bible. It's going to undo 500 years of work if our guys aren't more careful."
*A Calvinist would interpret John 3:16 through the lens of God's sovereign election and limited atonement. Here is how they would understand it:
The phrase "God so loved the world" does not mean God loves every individual person equally. Rather, the "world" refers to people from all nations and backgrounds who make up the elect. God's love is particular and directed towards those He has chosen for salvation from before the foundation of the world (Eph 1:4-5).
The words "whosoever believes" (also interpreted from the Greek as “all the believing ones”) do not imply that salvation is a possibility for all people if they choose to believe. Instead, it means that all those whom God has elected to salvation will certainly believe, as God irresistibly draws them to faith (John 6:44). Belief is the result of God's effectual calling, not the cause of salvation.
So for Calvinists, John 3:16 is not an offer of salvation to all people if they believe. It is a promise that God will certainly save all those whom He has chosen and given to the Son (John 6:37), by granting them faith to believe. The atonement was intended for and accomplished salvation for the elect alone, not the entire world (John 10:11,15).
Comments
Post a Comment