Local Man's Theology Corrected by New Glasses

“I was blind, but now I see…just how bad my theology was!” man exclaims

In a surprising turn of events, local man Bob Smith discovered that his theology was in dire need of correction—thanks to a new pair of reading glasses. After years of misinterpreting Scripture, Bob's new lenses allowed him to read the Bible clearly for the first time.

"I always thought 'God helps those who help themselves' was in there somewhere," Bob confessed. "Turns out, it's not! And that's just the tip of the iceberg."

Bob's newfound clarity has led to a complete overhaul of his beliefs, particularly those influenced by popular pastors and trendy theological ideas. He was shocked to discover that many catchphrases he'd accepted as biblical truth were actually misinterpretations or not in Scripture at all.

"I used to nod along when pastors talked about God being a gentleman who won't violate our free will," Bob chuckled. "But now I see that doesn't really align with how God intervenes in the Bible. And don't get me started on all those catchy sermon titles that aren't actually scriptural!"

As Bob delved deeper into his newly legible Bible, he found himself questioning concepts he'd long taken for granted, like libertarian free will and the idea that God's blessings are conditional while His love is unconditional.

"It's amazing what you can see when you actually read the text," Bob said. "I feel like I've been given a new pair of spiritual eyes. I guess I need to be more careful about swallowing every catchy phrase from the pulpit!"

Bob's experience serves as a humorous reminder of the importance of reading Scripture carefully and critically. His new glasses didn't just correct his vision—they corrected his theology. As he continues to explore the Bible with his improved eyesight, Bob is excited to see what other truths he might uncover.

In the end, Bob's story is a testament to the power of clear vision—both physical and spiritual. "Who knew that a simple pair of glasses could shake up my entire belief system?" Bob mused. "I wonder if my optometrist realizes he's in the business of theological correction!"

Comments

Piper Rebukes Driscoll, Defends Stripper Sword-Swallower

Piper Defends Male Strippers from Driscoll, Says Faith is "Erotic to the Core" MINNEAPOLIS, MN - In a surprising turn of events, prominent evangelical leader John Piper has come out in defense of male strippers, arguing that their profession is a valid expression of Christian spirituality. The controversy began when fellow pastor Mark Driscoll condemned male strippers as "ungodly" and "a threat to the moral fabric of society." Driscoll's comments sparked outrage among some in the Christian community, including Piper, who quickly rushed to the defense of the much-maligned exotic dancers. "Mark Driscoll clearly has a very narrow and repressed view of human sexuality," Piper told reporters. "As I've said many times, the Christian faith is erotic to the core. God created us as sexual beings, and that includes the male stripper." Piper went on to cite the "Song of Songs" as biblical evidence that God delights in human sensu

Opinion: How to Win Any Theological Argument With One Simple Phrase

The Ultimate Guide to Dispensational Defense: How to Defend Your Faith and Confuse Your Critics Quickly and Efficiently Are you tired of losing arguments with your fellow Christians over eschatology, hermeneutics, or covenant theology? Do you wish you had a foolproof way to silence your opponents and prove your superior understanding of the Bible? Well, look no further than this one simple phrase: "You don't understand dispensationalism." That's right, with this magic phrase, you can win any theological debate in seconds. Here's how it works: - Step 1: Identify your opponent's position and label it as non-dispensational. It doesn't matter if they are amillennial, postmillennial, covenantal, or even dispensational themselves. Just say they are not. - Step 2: Assert that their position is based on a faulty interpretation of Scripture that ignores the literal, grammatical-historical method and the distinction between Israel and the church. - Step 3: When they

Christian Man Denounces All Holidays as Pagan, Celebrates Nothing

Even the Calendar Comes From Pagans, Man Declares A Christian man from San Diego, California, has declared that he will not celebrate any holiday, not even his own birthday, because they are all pagan and sinful. John Bradfield, 45, says he has been studying the Bible and history for years and has come to the conclusion that every holiday is an abomination in the eyes of God. "I don't celebrate Christmas, Easter, Halloween, Thanksgiving, Valentine's Day, or any other holiday," Bradfield said. "They are all based on pagan traditions and rituals that have nothing to do with Christianity. They are all corrupted by Satan and his minions. Even my birthday is pagan, because it's based on the solar calendar, which was invented by pagans. I only follow the biblical calendar, which is based on the lunar cycles." Bradfield says he spends his days reading the Bible, praying, and preaching to others about the evils of holidays. He says he has no friends or family,

The Calvinist Chronicle

Search This Blog