Baptists Conveniently Forget Presbyterians Responsible For Independence Day

The Presbyterian Rebellion: America's Forgotten Founders

As we celebrate Independence Day, it's time to set the record straight on who really sparked the American Revolution. While some denominations wave their flags and rewrite history, they seem to have conveniently forgotten the pivotal role played by our stalwart Presbyterian forebears.

The True Spark of Revolution

Forget the Boston Tea Party; the real rebellion began in the Presbyterian pulpits. As early as 1764, Presbyterian ministers were fanning the flames of discontent against British rule. The Reverend John Witherspoon, a Presbyterian minister and president of the College of New Jersey (now Princeton University), was busy shaping the minds of future revolutionaries long before the first shot was fired at Lexington and Concord. And chances are, they were all sipping tea smuggled in by the Dutch to circumvent those infamous taxes.

The Presbyterian Declaration

Did you know that one-third of the signers of the Declaration of Independence were of Presbyterian background? That's right, while some denominations were still debating whether to support the crown, Presbyterians were already drafting declarations and signing their names to treason.

The Whiskey Rebellion: A Presbyterian Afterparty

And let's not forget the Whiskey Rebellion of 1791-1794. Who do you think was behind that spirited protest against federal taxation? You guessed it - predominantly Scots-Irish Presbyterians in western Pennsylvania. They weren't just fighting for religious freedom; they were fighting for their right to distill without government interference! Meanwhile, the Baptists were still more than a  years away from figuring out how to keep grape juice from fermenting.

A Call to Remember

So this Fourth of July, as you're grilling hot dogs and setting off fireworks, take a moment to remember the true revolutionaries. The next time someone tries to claim sole ownership of America's Christian heritage, kindly remind them that without Presbyterian rabble-rousers, we might all still be singing "God Save the King" instead of "The Star-Spangled Banner."

Now, pass the haggis and let's toast to some good old-fashioned Presbyterian rebellion! Oh, wait… traditional haggis is banned in America. So much for freedom.