Baptists Conveniently Forget Presbyterians Responsible For Independence Day

The Presbyterian Rebellion: America's Forgotten Founders

As we celebrate Independence Day, it's time to set the record straight on who really sparked the American Revolution. While some denominations wave their flags and rewrite history, they seem to have conveniently forgotten the pivotal role played by our stalwart Presbyterian forebears.

The True Spark of Revolution

Forget the Boston Tea Party; the real rebellion began in the Presbyterian pulpits. As early as 1764, Presbyterian ministers were fanning the flames of discontent against British rule. The Reverend John Witherspoon, a Presbyterian minister and president of the College of New Jersey (now Princeton University), was busy shaping the minds of future revolutionaries long before the first shot was fired at Lexington and Concord. And chances are, they were all sipping tea smuggled in by the Dutch to circumvent those infamous taxes.

The Presbyterian Declaration

Did you know that one-third of the signers of the Declaration of Independence were of Presbyterian background? That's right, while some denominations were still debating whether to support the crown, Presbyterians were already drafting declarations and signing their names to treason.

The Whiskey Rebellion: A Presbyterian Afterparty

And let's not forget the Whiskey Rebellion of 1791-1794. Who do you think was behind that spirited protest against federal taxation? You guessed it - predominantly Scots-Irish Presbyterians in western Pennsylvania. They weren't just fighting for religious freedom; they were fighting for their right to distill without government interference! Meanwhile, the Baptists were still more than a years away from figuring out how to keep grape juice from fermenting.

A Call to Remember

So this Fourth of July, as you're grilling hot dogs and setting off fireworks, take a moment to remember the true revolutionaries. The next time someone tries to claim sole ownership of America's Christian heritage, kindly remind them that without Presbyterian rabble-rousers, we might all still be singing "God Save the King" instead of "The Star-Spangled Banner."

Now, pass the haggis and let's toast to some good old-fashioned Presbyterian rebellion! Oh, wait… traditional haggis is banned in America. So much for freedom.

Comments

Dave Ramsey Flags Reformation Heritage Books as “Spiritual Treasure, Budgetary Trap”

Financial guru says the Puritans are great, but maxing out your credit card for a 12‑volume set on covenant theology is not a “baby step.” NASHVILLE — Personal finance icon Dave Ramsey has reportedly issued a pointed caution to Christians everywhere: Reformation Heritage Books is a spiritual danger to your budget, and one careless click on “Complete Works of John Owen” could slide you straight back into the “debt spiral” he has spent decades trying to prevent. According to sources familiar with the matter, the warning came during a segment on “biblically responsible spending,” when a caller asked whether it was wise to purchase a multi‑volume set of Reformed classics on a credit card. “Look,” Ramsey reportedly replied, “I love the Puritans. I love deep theology. I do not love you going into debt for a book you will read six pages of before you fall asleep.” Ramsey’s team is said to have flagged Reformation Heritage Books not because the content is bad, but because the catalog is long, ...

Father Warns Children Against Skillet’s ‘Monster,’ Accidentally Explains Doctrine Of Indwelling Sin

Teenager says he understood the song better after dad’s 40-minute lecture against listening to it. OAKDALE, USA — Local Christian parents Mark and Sarah Wilkins banned Skillet’s song “Monster” from the family car this week after learning that the track’s central theme involves the believer’s struggle against sin and the old self. “I had assumed it was merely loud,” Mark Wilkins said. “But then someone told me it is about the inner battle against the sinful nature. That is far too intense for our children.” Skillet is a Christian rock band, and frontman John Cooper has recently argued that hard-rock music is not inherently demonic simply because of its genre or sound. The Wilkinses said this was exactly the sort of distinction they preferred not to make. “Scripture may talk about putting sin to death, resisting temptation, and waging spiritual war,” Mark said. “But it does not use electric guitars, so we feel safer if those ideas are communicated only through a gentle acoustic song...

Church Sound Tech Gets Doom Running On Sanctuary Soundboard

Volunteer says the game is fully contained on the mixer’s tiny touchscreen and has not affected worship, apart from the pastor’s microphone now occasionally displaying “God Mode.” CEDAR GROVE, USA — A Reformed church’s sound technician briefly became the most popular member of the media team Sunday after successfully getting the original Doom to run on the sanctuary’s digital soundboard. The game remained entirely on the console’s maintenance screen, church leaders confirmed, and no imagery or game audio was played through the sanctuary speakers. The soundboard still delivered the sermon, psalms, Scripture reading, and announcements normally—provided nobody pressed the newly labeled button marked DO NOT ENABLE GOD MODE DURING CALL TO WORSHIP. Doom, released by id Software in 1993, became both a landmark first-person shooter and a longstanding target for technical hobbyists who enjoy making it run on improbable hardware. Digital audio mixers are also common in worship settings, whe...

The Calvinist Chronicle

Search This Blog