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Border Patrol Sends Steven Anderson to Armenia Over Misunderstanding

When Your Theological Flex Gets Lost in Translation


Original image is Public Domain, courtesy of the United States Department of Homeland Security


BORDER PATROL CHECKPOINT, AZ - In a bizarre twist of theological proportions, Pastor Steven Anderson's latest encounter with Border Patrol agents took an unexpected turn when he attempted to evangelize his way through a routine checkpoint.


When asked about his citizenship, Anderson reportedly launched into an impromptu sermon, declaring, "I'm a citizen of Heaven, brother! Let me tell you about the Good News!"


As the bemused agent tried to detain him, Anderson proclaimed, "You can't detain me! I'm free to believe because I'm Arminian!" The agent, mishearing the theological term, immediately sprang into action, shouting, "Armenian? We've got ourselves an illegal!"


Chaos ensued as agents attempted to deport the protesting pastor to Armenia. "I said Arminian, not Armenian!" Anderson cried as he was led away. "It's a Protestant theological position, not a nationality!"


Border Patrol officials, red-faced upon realizing their error, quickly released Anderson. One agent was overheard muttering, "I knew we should've paid more attention in Sunday School."


In a hilarious twist, the incident caught the attention of a nearby Border Patrol chaplain, who quipped, "If Anderson was a Calvinist, none of this would have happened. It would have been predestined for him to stay put!"


The chaplain, struggling to maintain a straight face, added, "Maybe next time he'll consider switching to a denomination that believes in divine sovereignty over free will. It might just keep him out of Armenian... I mean, Arminian trouble."


This theological zinger left fellow agents scratching their heads, while Anderson was last seen furiously scribbling notes for his next fiery sermon on the perils of checkpoint predestination.


Anderson, ever the opportunist, is reportedly planning a new sermon series titled "Tased and Confused: How Border Patrol Accidentally Evangelized Me to Armenia."

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