Christ is King
In the wake of the recent tumultuous events surrounding former President Donald Trump's rally in Pennsylvania, one thing has become abundantly clear: Christ is still King, and He's probably shaking His head in bewilderment at the chaos unfolding below.
As shots rang out and Secret Service agents performed their best rugby tackle impressions, Jesus was reportedly overheard muttering, "I leave you guys alone for two millennia, and this is what happens?" The Almighty's PR team quickly issued a statement reminding everyone that "turn the other cheek" was not meant to be interpreted as "duck and cover."
Meanwhile, celestial sources confirm that St. Peter has been frantically updating his guest list, unsure whether to prepare for a high-profile arrival or not. The pearly gates have reportedly been given an extra polish, just in case.
In a surprising twist, it seems the only person not surprised by the day's events was Trump himself, who was heard asking if he could "get his shoes" before being whisked away to safety. Apparently, even in the face of danger, good footwear remains a top priority.
As the nation grapples with this latest political curveball, we can all take comfort in knowing that no matter how chaotic things get down here, the Big Guy upstairs is still in charge – and He's probably wishing He'd installed a cosmic mute button right about now.
*note: we do not promote nor endorse Open Theism. We do acknowledge the use of anthropomorphic language in the Bible and believe that, due to the vantage point of its writers, that God may appear to change His mind. However, we consider it to be an attempt to distinguish between His decretive and permissive will, though ultimately His decrees will come to pass.
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