Local Man Finishes All Unread Theology Books, Sparks Postmillennial Era

"The End Is Near—Or Is It Just the End of Ted's Reading List?"

**August 20, 2024 — Springfield, USA**

In a shocking development, local theology enthusiast Ted McPherson has completed reading every unread book in his extensive collection, inadvertently ushering in what experts are calling the “Postmillennial Age.” This new era has been humorously dubbed the time when the Gospel is spread to the “four corners of the earth”—which, for Ted, are simply the towering stacks of books on his desk.

A Desk of Revelation

Witnesses report that Ted's once-chaotic desk has transformed into a shrine of enlightenment. “I was just looking for my stapler,” said his wife, Linda, “but instead found the key to the Kingdom of Heaven—or at least Ted’s interpretation of it.”

As he closed the last book, *The Eschatology of the Early Church Fathers*, Ted shouted, “Behold! The Kingdom of God is at hand!” His cat, Augustine, was the only one to applaud.

Theological Implications

Local pastor Rev. Tim Goodwin remarked, “We thought the end times were about chaos, but it turns out it was just Ted’s reading list. Who knew?” The community has embraced the change, with the local coffee shop rebranding from “End Times Espresso” to “Postmillennial Perks,” serving drinks like “Rapture Roast.”

Conclusion

As Ted revels in his newfound knowledge, he’s launched a podcast, “The Postmillennial Podcast,” where he connects his reading to current events—like interpreting TikTok trends through a theological lens. With his desk cleared, Ted is already eyeing the thrift store for more theological treasures, proving that the Gospel’s reach may indeed extend to the corners of his ever-growing library.

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