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Local Man Criticizes Religious Beliefs While Holding Equally Imaginative Views

"If a talking snake is ridiculous, what do we call a universe made from cosmic glitter?"



**Middletown, USA** — In a remarkable display of cognitive dissonance, local man Harold Thompson, 42, has taken to social media to mock Christians for their belief in the biblical creation story, all while holding onto his own equally fantastical scientific theories.

Thompson, a self-proclaimed "armchair astrophysicist," recently posted a lengthy diatribe on Facebook, ridiculing the notion that God created man from mud and then fashioned a "transgender clone" from a rib, who subsequently doomed humanity by chatting with a serpent. "I mean, come on," Thompson wrote, "a talking snake? What's next, a donkey giving a TED Talk?"

However, Thompson's critique did not stop there. He went on to explain his own understanding of the universe, which involves "everything coming from nothing billions of years ago," a process he described as "the ultimate DIY project." According to Thompson, this cosmic explosion of "nothingness" miraculously organized itself into galaxies, solar systems, planets, and eventually, complex living creatures. "It's like the universe had a Pinterest board and just went for it," he quipped.

Neighbors report that Thompson has been known to engage in spirited debates with anyone who will listen, often using a whiteboard to illustrate his theories. "Harold's always been a bit of a character," said neighbor Susan Jenkins. "Last week, he tried to explain how humans are basically just 'stardust with opinions.' I just nodded and smiled."

Despite his fervent beliefs, Thompson has yet to publish any peer-reviewed papers on his theories, though he claims to be "working on a groundbreaking blog post." In the meantime, he continues to share his thoughts with anyone willing to lend an ear, or at least a Facebook like.

As of press time, Thompson was reportedly seen in his backyard, attempting to fashion a model universe out of Play-Doh and glitter, all while muttering about the "cosmic artistry of chaos."

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