"I came for the memes, stayed for the confusion."
Winchester, CA – In a surprising turn of events, local man Bob "The Bystander" Johnson has officially declared his disbelief in the Gospel, citing a recent encounter with a heated theological debate on Facebook as the final straw.
Bob, who admits he has never been particularly interested in religious matters, found himself inadvertently caught in the crossfire of a theological showdown between two fervent Christians on a Facebook thread. The debate, which lasted approximately three hours and involved terms like "eschatology," "soteriology," and "transubstantiation," left Bob more confused than enlightened.
"I was just scrolling through my feed," Bob explained. "Next thing I know, I'm knee-deep in a discussion about predestination versus free will. I didn't even know what those words meant, but they sure sounded important."
The two debaters, identified as Pastor Paul "The Preacher" Peterson and Deacon Dave "The Doctrine Defender" Daniels, were locked in a virtual duel that would make even the most seasoned theologian's head spin. Eyewitnesses report that the argument covered a range of topics, from the nature of the Trinity to the proper interpretation of the Book of Revelation.
"I tried to follow along," Bob confessed. "But every time I thought I understood something, they'd throw in another term like 'hermeneutics' or 'exegesis.' It was like watching a tennis match where the ball is invisible."
Despite his best efforts to comprehend the discussion, Bob ultimately decided that the bickering was enough to solidify his stance on religion. "If this is what believing in the Gospel entails, count me out," he declared. "I mean, if they can't agree on what they believe, how am I supposed to?"
Pastor Paul and Deacon Dave, meanwhile, have reportedly agreed to disagree and are now planning a follow-up debate on the finer points of ecclesiology. Bob, however, has vowed to steer clear of any future theological discussions, opting instead for a quiet life of memes and cat videos.
In related news, Facebook has announced a new policy: "No Theology Debates Allowed." The management hopes this will prevent any further incidents of accidental enlightenment.
Stay tuned for more updates on this developing story.
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