Ba’al’s Eternal Restroom Break Leaves Voters’ Prayers Unanswered

Ba’al’s Bathroom Break Leaves Modern Supporters in a Lurch: “Maybe He’ll Hear Us If We Yell Louder!”

In an unexpected twist, Ba'al, the ancient deity once mocked by Elijah for being "on the toilet," seems to be taking an extended break, leaving modern followers puzzled. Much like the ancient devotees who found themselves mocked by Elijah for their misplaced faith, today's supporters of certain political figures find their prayers unanswered.

In ancient times, followers offered child sacrifices to deities like Ba'al for favorable outcomes. Today, some argue that modern women seek abortions to maintain their lifestyle or pursue prosperous careers, drawing parallels to these ancient rites.

As Ba'al remains occupied, modern followers are left contemplating whether their sacrifices will ever yield the desired success. Meanwhile, the debate over personal and societal gains continues, echoing the motivations of ancient rituals.

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Christian Pacifists Reinterpret Romans 13 After Tragic Animal Incidents

Fred and Peanut Become Latest Mascots for Justice In a surprising twist, Christian pacifists have taken a page from the revolutionary Presbyterians' book by reinterpreting Romans 13, following the tragic demise of Fred the squirrel and Peanut the raccoon at the hands of government officials. These furry martyrs have sparked a theological debate, as pacifists now argue that Romans 13 supports civil disobedience against unjust state actions. Fred and Peanut, beloved local mascots, were allegedly "neutralized" for causing minor disruptions in a public park. Their untimely deaths have become a rallying cry for pacifists, who argue that the state's actions were neither just nor necessary. In response, pacifists assert that Romans 13, traditionally seen as a call to obey governing authorities, actually mandates resistance when the state acts contrary to God's will. They emphasize Paul's call to "overcome evil with good" (Romans 12:21) as a directive to ch...

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