Trump Bans Little Drummer Boy from Christmas Playlists

“No Kid with a Drum Near a Sleeping Baby!” Says Former President, Igniting Holiday Controversy

In a shocking holiday announcement, Donald Trump declared he would "absolutely remove that little drummer boy from every Christmas playlist" because "no one wants a kid banging a drum near a sleeping baby!"

Trump added, “I mean, what kind of gift is that? A drum? I’ve seen better gifts from my golf buddies. Everyone knows babies need peace, not a percussion concert!”

He further insisted, “If I were Mary, I’d say, ‘Get that kid outta here!’ It’s Christmas, not a rock concert!” This bold move has left many wondering if the season's spirit can survive without the rhythmic charm of the beloved carol.

Comments

Cracker Barrel Celebrates Pride with Drag Brunch and Bud Light

Cracker Barrel's Business Booms Despite Conservative Boycotts Thanks to Drag Queen Brunch and Bud Light Image source: Cracker Barrel's Official Facebook Page Cracker Barrel Old Country Store, the popular Southern-themed restaurant chain, has seen a surge in business despite facing boycotts from conservative groups for its support of Pride Month. The reason? A new menu item that has attracted customers from all walks of life: the drag queen brunch. The drag queen brunch, which is offered every Sunday from 10 a.m. to 2 p.m., features a variety of dishes such as rainbow pancakes, glitter grits, and fabulous french toast. But the main attraction is the live entertainment provided by some of the most talented drag queens in the country, who perform songs, dances, and comedy routines while interacting with the guests. "We wanted to do something fun and different to celebrate Pride Month and show our support for the LGBTQ+ community," said Cracker Barrel CEO Sandra Cochran. ...

Epstein's List: A Convenient Distraction

Jesus is King, but the Devil is in the Details In a shocking twist of events, the infamous list of names associated with the late Jeffrey Epstein's sex trafficking ring has been leaked to the public. The list, which contains hundreds of prominent figures from politics, entertainment, business, and sports, has sparked outrage and scandal across the world. However, some experts believe that the release of the list is not a coincidence, but a deliberate attempt to divert attention from the real news: Jesus is king. According to Dr. Michael Brown, a professor of theology at Harvard University, the list is part of a "satanic conspiracy" to undermine the faith of Christians and distract them from the second coming of Christ. "Jesus is king. He is alive and he is coming back soon. That is the most important news that anyone should care about," Dr. Brown said. "But the devil knows that, and he is using the list to create chaos and confusion among the people of Go...

Man Gets Rich by Shorting the Stock of Every Company That Goes Woke Before Pride Month

Man Gets Rich by Shorting the Stock of Every Company That Goes Woke Before Pride Month A man from New York has made a fortune by shorting the stock of every company that goes woke before Pride Month. He claims that he has a foolproof strategy to predict which companies will suffer a backlash from their customers and investors for virtue signaling. "I call it the 'woke-o-meter'," he said. "It's a simple formula that measures how much a company is pandering to the LGBTQ+ community and other social justice causes. The more they do, the more likely their stock will tank." He explained that he uses a variety of indicators to calculate the woke-o-meter score for each company, such as: - The number and frequency of rainbow-themed logos, products, and ads - The amount and percentage of donations to LGBTQ+ organizations and charities - The diversity and inclusion policies and initiatives - The public statements and endorsements of LGBTQ+ celebrities and activists...

The Calvinist Chronicle

Search This Blog