Calvinist Convert Disappointed to Discover Election Season Isn’t a Reformation Day Bash

“I thought we were electing the chosen ones, not just choosing candidates!” laments bewildered believer

Springfield, USA — Tim “The Elect” Thompson, a fresh convert to Calvinism, was left scratching his head this week after realizing that election season is not the month-long celebration of Reformed theology he had imagined.

“I thought it would be like Reformation Day, complete with parades and reenactments of Martin Luther nailing his theses to a door,” Thompson explained, wearing a T-shirt that reads “Predestined for Greatness.” “Instead, I got bombarded with political ads and debates about taxes!”

His excitement turned to confusion when he discovered that “election season” meant choosing candidates, not electing theological heroes. “I even baked cookies shaped like tulips!” he lamented. “Turns out no one wants to discuss sola scriptura when there are yard signs for ‘Vote for Bob!’ everywhere.”

In an attempt to salvage his Reformation-themed dreams, Thompson proposed a potluck where attendees could debate their favorite reformers while discussing local candidates. “Why not combine theology and politics?” he suggested. “Maybe we can even vote on who has the best interpretation of predestination!”

For now, Thompson is just hoping next year’s election season will at least include some theological discussions—preferably over cookies.

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