Local Presbyterian Celebrates Freedom by Purchasing Illegal Fireworks He Is Not Allowed to Use Under Government He Cannot Influence

Chinese-made, California-banned, and paid for with a paycheck the revolution would have found suspicious

**LOS ANGELES** — A local conservative Christian said he marked Independence Day this week by purchasing Chinese-made fireworks he is not permitted to ignite, in what observers described as a fitting tribute to a nation founded on resistance to taxation, regulation, and distant authority.

The man, who identified himself as a Reformed Presbyterian in the broad cultural sense and a tax protester in the practical one, bought the fireworks after expressing frustration at being told not to purchase foreign-made goods while also being encouraged to celebrate a holiday built around imported fireworks and national self-congratulation.

“People always say don’t buy things made in China,” he said Thursday while loading several boxes into his vehicle. “But somehow Chinese fireworks are fine. And if they came through Mexico, that only adds to the mystery.”

The purchase coincided with the Fourth of July, which commemorates the American Revolution and the colonial protest over taxation without representation. The man said the symbolism was difficult to miss, given that more than 40 percent of his paycheck is withheld before he ever sees it.

His estimated burden includes federal income tax, California state income tax, Social Security, Medicare, state disability insurance, and additional taxes embedded in daily expenses such as sales tax and fuel tax. He also cited rent and housing costs as further evidence that “representation is mostly theoretical.”

“In the colonies, they got angry over a tax on tea,” he said. “Here, they take a big chunk of my paycheck every two weeks and call it normal.”

The irony, he noted, was heightened by his political isolation in Los Angeles, where he said conservative Christians are a small minority among voters he described as “extremely liberal atheists and people who think every moral question can be solved by zoning.”

Despite the purchase, local ordinances and fire restrictions meant the fireworks could not legally be used in his neighborhood. Los Angeles prohibits most consumer fireworks, and recent dry conditions have made the risk of fire especially severe.

“I can buy them, but I can’t light them,” he said. “That seems to be the theme of living here.”

The man had initially framed the holiday as a fitting time to honor the “Presbyterian revolt,” a reference to the broader Reformed instinct for resistance to centralized control and ecclesiastical overreach. But by evening, the rebellion had been reduced to a closed garage, several sealed cardboard boxes, and one disappointed patriot standing under a “No Open Flame” sign.

City officials declined to comment on whether his case represented a constitutional issue, a theological issue, or simply another reason to avoid fireworks in Los Angeles.

At press time, the man was reportedly considering whether to celebrate liberty with a sparkler, a barbecue, or the quiet reading of the Westminster Confession in air conditioning.