Sources say the young theologian confidently critiques paganism, secular humanism, evolutionary biology, and socialism based on three documentaries and one co-op discussion.
AUTSIN — The neighborhood was reportedly thrown into mild confusion this week after a homeschooled child, firmly grounded in conservative Christian teaching, concluded that public school students are, in fact, weird. The statement was delivered with the unshakable calm of someone who can recite memory verses, outline a basic Christian worldview, and has only ever seen locker-lined hallways in movies.
According to observers, the child arrived at this conclusion after hearing that public school kids learn about “all kinds of gods,” discuss secular humanism, accept atheistic evolutionary biology as “just science,” and treat soft socialism like a group project with extra steps. “So they don’t even start with ‘In the beginning, God’?” the child reportedly asked, eyes wide with the kind of alarm usually reserved for house fires and bad theology.
Parents say the child’s confidence is understandable. At home, the foundation is clear: God made the world, truth is objective, humans are sinful and need a Savior, and history is not a random accident but the unfolding of providence. Against this backdrop, the public school descriptions sounded less like education and more like an ongoing elective in “Creative Alternatives to Reality.” “They learn about Greek gods like it’s normal,” the child allegedly explained. “Then they say people came from no God at all. That’s a lot of options for something that’s supposed to be true.”
The child’s introduction to these ideas has been mostly secondhand: a unit study on worldviews, a few carefully paused nature videos, and one co-op lesson that included the phrase “secular humanism” followed by a very long family discussion. Still, it was enough. “Public school kids think they’re just neutral,” the child concluded. “But if you don’t start with God, you’re starting with something else. That’s weird.”
Experts in homeschool sociology note that this is a familiar developmental stage: first the child learns the Bible story, then they learn the word “worldview,” and finally they begin applying it to every kid who has ever taken a standardized test. Public school children, for their part, often suspect homeschooled kids are equally strange for bringing up metaphysics during lunch, which ensures both sides remain mildly bewildered by the other’s “normal.”
At press time, the homeschooled child was reportedly outlining a full critique of pagan spirituality, secular humanism, atheistic evolution, and socialism in a notebook labeled “Compare: Bible vs. Everything Else,” despite having never once had to change classes when a bell rang.
Comments
Post a Comment