Man Places Christian Fish Emblem On Car To Excuse Bad Driving

Driver says the Ichthys is not a statement of faith, but a preemptive apology for merging without signaling.

SPRINGFIELD, USA — Local motorist Gary Thompson has placed a Christian fish emblem on the back of his sedan, not to declare his faith, but to excuse his bad driving.

“I just want people to know that if I cut them off, it’s not personal,” Thompson said. “It’s theological.”

Thompson said he installed the chrome Ichthys last week after a series of close calls on the interstate.

“People were honking, yelling, flashing lights,” he said. “Then I saw a car with the fish, and the driver waved instead of flipping me off. I thought, ‘That’s the brand I need.’”

Thompson said he understood the symbol’s original meaning, but felt it could be repurposed for modern traffic conditions.

“I know it stands for ‘Jesus Christ, God’s Son, Savior,’” he said. “But in my case, it stands for ‘Jesus Cover My Tailgating, Christ Cover My Turn Signal, Savior Cover My Lane Change.’”

Thompson said he had considered other options, such as a “Baby On Board” sign or a “Student Driver” sticker, but felt the fish was more versatile.

“‘Baby On Board’ only works if there’s a baby,” he said. “‘Student Driver’ expires. The fish is eternal. It covers all my driving sins, past, present, and future.”

Thompson said he had already noticed a difference in how other drivers responded to him.

“People see the fish and assume I’m on my way to church,” he said. “They give me the benefit of the doubt. They think, ‘He may be a bad driver, but at least he’s a saved bad driver.’”

At press time, Thompson was reportedly considering adding a second fish to represent his wife, who also drove poorly.

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