Unearthed Records Reveal Reformers Rejected Potential Spouses Over Enneagram Scores

 “Luther could not proceed with a Type Nine,” historian explains. “The Reformation required someone willing to confront the beer cellar.”

WITTENBERG — Newly unearthed courtship records have reportedly revealed that Martin Luther and John Calvin screened prospective spouses using Enneagram results, insisting that suitable applicants demonstrate godliness, sound judgment, and a sufficiently high score in Type One: “The Reformer.”

“The title seemed providential,” explained archival researcher Dr. Silas Footnote. “Unfortunately, they began treating every other personality type as an unreformed denomination.”

Luther’s alleged screening form asked candidates whether they enjoyed correcting errors, confronting abuses, and identifying ninety-five problems with an institution before breakfast.

One applicant reportedly answered that she preferred avoiding conflict.

“Type Nine,” Luther wrote. “We cannot build a Reformation around hoping everyone calms down.”

Luther married Katharina von Bora in June 1525; Calvin married Idelette de Bure in August 1540. Historical accounts describe their relationships without any personality-test prerequisite. 

The records nevertheless portray Calvin as particularly committed to the assessment.

“She says she supports reform,” one note reads, “but scored highest as ‘The Enthusiast.’ We require someone who will correct the household, not suggest it needs more spontaneity.”

Another candidate reportedly challenged his reasoning.

“Being called ‘The Reformer’ does not make someone Reformed.”

Calvin requested that her objection be submitted in writing, with supporting references.

Katharina allegedly proved equally unimpressed by Luther’s criteria.

“Martin, you cannot reject everyone who fails to score as a Reformer,” she said. “Someone in this marriage must occasionally finish dinner without initiating a disputation.”

Researchers expressed concern after discovering that the modern nine-type personality system substantially postdates the Reformers. 

Christian dating influencers called the discrepancy “a minor chronological obstacle to an otherwise excellent product launch.”

At press time, an applicant who corrected the questionnaire’s theology, punctuation, and scoring methodology was rejected for being “difficult.”

Her assessment identified her as a One.