The Calvinist Chronicle

Opinion: Why Mark Driscoll is the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Christianity Pictured: Mark Driscoll Mark Driscoll is a man of God who speaks the truth without compromise. He confronts the sin and corruption in the church and the culture, and calls people to repentance and faith in Jesus Christ. He is a bold and courageous leader who stands up for the authority of Scripture and the glory of God. Some people may accuse Driscoll of being abusive, arrogant, and domineering, but these are just lies spread by his enemies who are jealous of his success and influence. They are wolves in sheep's clothing who want to undermine the gospel and lead people astray. But Driscoll is not a wolf, he is a shepherd. He loves his flock and cares for them with a tender heart. He disciplines them for their own good, challenges them to grow and mature, and empowers them to serve and honor God. Driscoll is not a man of sin, he is a man of grace. He has admitted his mistakes and asked for forgiveness fr...

Concert Attendees Drop to Their Knees in Spontaneous Worship Photo: Anna Lee Media Seattle, WA - Concert-goers got more than they were expecting when, in the midst of a set, a Coldplay Concert suddenly broke out into an impromptu altar call. Halfway into their hot single "My Universe" featuring K-Pop group BTS, a large crowd began to form at the base of the stage. Surprisingly, one by one each person dropped to their knees, arms outstretched, loudly proclaiming their need for Chris Martin and then prayed the lyrics to "Hymn for the Weekend" with one another to accept Coldplay into their hearts. One attendee we interviewed who called herself Jenna told us, "... It was such an emotional moment. I was such a skeptic before, and I didn't even really think that Coldplay was a real band, and if it was, I didn't really care, anyway. The world is so big, so why should Coldplay care about me? But once I heard that chorus, I realized that it didn't matter how...

Was This Perfect Storm Unexpected or Predestined? Image Courtesy: CNN Weather HONOLULU, HI - A Cage-Stage Calvinist from California has been blamed for triggering Tropical Storm Calvin, which is threatening to bring heavy rain, strong winds, dangerous surf, and controversial soteriology to the Hawaiian islands. The Cage-Stage Calvinist, who wished to remain anonymous, said he was visiting Hawaii for a vacation with his family, but he couldn't resist the urge to share his newfound passion for the doctrines of grace with everyone he met. "I just wanted to spread the good news of God's sovereign grace and unconditional election," he said. "I thought people would be receptive to the truth of TULIP, especially in such a beautiful place that clearly displays God's glory." However, his zeal soon turned into a nuisance, as he started to argue with locals, tourists and even his own family members about predestination, limited atonement and irresistible grace. He ...

Introverts Rushing to the Restroom Inadvertently Make a Line, Are Forced to Socialize With Each Other It was a Sunday morning like any other at the   First Reformed Baptist Church   of   Des Moines . The pastor had just finished his sermon and invited the congregation to greet each other with a handshake and a smile. For most people, this was a welcome opportunity to catch up with friends and make new ones. But for some, it was a nightmare. A group of introverts, who preferred to avoid small talk and social interactions, quickly made their way to the restroom, hoping to escape the awkwardness of greeting time. They thought they had found a safe haven, where they could hide until the coast was clear. But they were wrong. As more and more introverts flocked to the restroom, they soon formed a long line outside the door, much to their dismay. They realized that they had no choice but to face each other and make conversation, something they dreaded more than anything. Some tr...

Millstone Necklace Sales On the Rise! As progressives and the gender fluid increasingly target the younger generations in an effort to evangelize and militarize the youth to their cause, an two unlikely markets have begun to converge under the latest trend: Fashion, and the Millstone industry. What's particularly interesting is that millstones, historically used to break down grains into fine powder commonly used for baking and oatmeal products, have found an unique niche among the fashion trends of the elite, particularly in Hollywood and exclusive political circles. Demand has skyrocketed, with these classic designs of yester-year's industry being attached to sturdy chains and worn around the neck, reminiscent of the full-sized clocks often worn by 1980's rappers Run DMC. However, these next millstones are not combined with urban track suits, but swim attire. When asked about the recent trend, one such wearer, obviously struggling to stand up with the weight around his ne...

Bethel Music Out, “Reign in Worship” Begins In a shocking turn of events, the popular Christian worship duo Shane and Shane responded to the public backlash and have announced that they are canceling their planned collaboration with Bethel music, citing "creative differences" and "theological concerns". Instead, they have revealed that they are partnering with the legendary thrash metal band Slayer for a new album and tour. "We feel that Slayer is a better fit for our vision and message," said Shane Barnard, one half of the duo. "They are passionate, authentic, and not afraid to challenge the status quo. We share a lot of common ground with them, especially on topics like sin, judgment, and the end times." Shane Everett, the other half of the duo, added: "We have always admired Slayer's musical prowess and lyrical depth. They are masters of their craft and have influenced generations of metalheads. We are honored to join forces with them...

Church Refuses to Acknowledge Scandalous Hidden Message  A churchgoer in California claims to have discovered a hidden message in one of Chuck Smith's sermons on premillennialism, the belief that Jesus will return before a thousand-year reign of peace on earth. Chuck Smith (1927-2013) was the founder of Calvary Chapel, a movement of over 1,000 churches worldwide. The churchgoer, who wishes to remain anonymous, says he accidentally played the sermon backwards on his cassette player and was shocked by what he heard. "I was listening to Pastor Chuck's sermon on Revelation 20, where he explains how the rapture will happen before the tribulation and the millennium," the churchgoer told us. "But then my cassette player malfunctioned and started playing the tape backwards. I was about to stop it, but then I heard something that caught my attention." The churchgoer says he heard Chuck Smith say, in a clear and audible voice, "Postmillennialism is true. Jesus wi...

Musician Claims Divinely-Inspired Bridge Completes Unfinished Song From Centuries Before After years of practice and dedication, worship band leader Dave O'Connor has finally achieved his lifelong dream of perfecting a 400 year-old classic hymn by adding a bridge. O'Connor, who only knows six guitar chords (and can only play 5 consistently), said he was inspired by the Holy Spirit to spice up the old tune with a catchy and repetitive chorus that he wrote himself. "I was playing 'How Great Thou Art' one day and I felt like something was missing," O'Connor said. "The verses were great, but they needed a hook, something to really drive home the message of God's greatness. So I came up with this bridge: 'You are great, you are great, you are great / You are great, you are great, you are great / You are great, you are great, you are great / You are great, Lord I praise.'" O'Connor said he was thrilled when he debuted his new version of...

  Translators Discover Clear Reference to USA; Biblical Scholars Confounded In a stunning discovery, a team of biblical scholars has found a verse in the book of Revelation that clearly identifies America as the new Israel and the chosen nation of God. The verse, which has been overlooked for centuries, is Revelation 13:18, which reads: "Here is wisdom. Let him who has understanding calculate the number of the beast, for it is the number of a man: His number is 666." The scholars claim that the number 666 is actually a code that refers to America, and that by using a simple mathematical formula, anyone can see the truth for themselves. The formula is as follows: - Take the number of letters in the word "America" (6) and multiply it by the number of original colonies (13). - Add the number of stars on the American flag (50) and the number of stripes (13). - Subtract the number of amendments in the Bill of Rights (10) and the number of commandments (10). - The result ...