Pentecostal Man Cannot Understand How Other Christians Taste Food Without Gift Of Tongues

“So you’re telling me you eat a burrito and just…know what it tastes like?” he asked, increasingly concerned.

TULSA, OK — Pentecostal church member Darren Wallace expressed deep concern Sunday after learning that believers from non-charismatic denominations claim to taste food despite not practicing the gift of tongues.

Wallace first noticed the issue at a church potluck, where a Presbyterian visitor complimented the banana pudding.

“Brother, I need to stop you right there,” Wallace said, gently lowering his plate. “You said that pudding tastes good. But how exactly did you receive that flavor? Was there an interpretation?”

The visitor explained that he simply took a bite.

Wallace reportedly looked alarmed.

“You mean no prayer language? No heavenly utterance? No sudden movement of the Spirit through the palate?” he asked. “You just put baked beans in your mouth and identified them as baked beans?”

Paul’s discussion of spiritual gifts in 1 Corinthians 12 includes “varieties of tongues” and interpretation, but he also emphasizes that gifts are distributed differently within the church rather than given identically to every believer.  In 1 Corinthians 14, Paul stresses that tongues in gathered worship should be interpreted so that the church is built up.

Wallace said the potluck had exposed a troubling inconsistency among his cessationist friends.

“They say tongues have ceased,” he said, pointing toward a Baptist man eating peach cobbler. “But then they claim they can experience flavor. Brother, that is clearly a manifestation. You cannot tell me you know the difference between cinnamon and nutmeg without some kind of supernatural activation.”

When the Baptist replied that taste buds are part of normal human anatomy, Wallace grew quiet.

“So your denomination believes in ‘taste buds,’” he said slowly. “Interesting. We call that the gift of tongues.”

Wallace later attempted to lead the potluck in a prayer for “fresh outpouring of flavor,” but stopped when an Anglican woman said the mashed potatoes were bland.

“See?” he declared. “No tongues, no discernment.”

At press time, Wallace was preparing a sermon titled Can You Really Taste And See That The Lord Is Good If You Do Not Speak In Tongues? while the Presbyterian visitor quietly added more salt to the potatoes.