Narnia Fans Relieved To Learn Meryl Streep Is Not Really Aslan, But Puzzle The Donkey In A Yellow Lion Skin

Netflix insists the acclaimed actress was cast to voice the Great Lion; production sources confirm the role is actually an elaborate deception orchestrated by Shift the Ape.

NARNIA, SOMEWHERE BEYOND THE WARDROBE — After the announcement that Meryl Streep will voice Aslan in Greta Gerwig’s upcoming Narnia: The Magician’s Nephew, concerned fans received clarification Thursday that Streep is not, in fact, portraying the Son of the Emperor-over-the-Sea.

Instead, she is reportedly playing Puzzle the Donkey, dressed in a badly tailored yellow lion skin and manipulated from behind the scenes by Shift the Ape.

The actual production has confirmed that Streep will voice Aslan in Gerwig’s 2027 Netflix adaptation, with Gerwig saying she wanted someone “profound but not pretentious” who possessed both gravitas and childlike wonder.  But sources within the wardrobe department said the unusual casting made far more sense once viewers understood that the film had unexpectedly jumped ahead to the final Narnian catastrophe.

“This is not Aslan,” Shift explained while fastening a suspiciously lumpy lion hide over Streep’s shoulders. “This is Aslan enough. The Narnians don’t need the real Lion. They need a lion-shaped celebrity voice saying whatever I tell them to say through a conveniently distant bonfire.”

Puzzle, who had originally been cast as a donkey but was reportedly told the role “was important for representation,” said she had concerns.

“I kept saying, ‘But I’m not a lion,’” Streep-Puzzle said. “And Shift said, ‘That’s the beauty of cinema, darling. If you stand far enough away and speak in a voice everyone recognizes, nobody asks questions.’”

In The Last Battle, Shift deceives Narnia by disguising Puzzle the Donkey in a lion skin and presenting him as Aslan, using the counterfeit lion to issue commands that serve Shift’s agenda. The deception forms the opening machinery of the final Chronicle.

Fans said the revelation explains several details from the first promotional images, including Aslan’s red-striped coat, differently colored eyes, and apparent inability to walk normally after a long day of filming. Reports have described Gerwig’s reimagined Aslan as visually influenced by David Bowie.

“I knew something was off,” said longtime reader Daniel Whitcomb. “Aslan is supposed to be terrifyingly good, powerful, and unmistakably himself. This one kept saying, ‘The thing about Narnia is that it’s really about being seen,’ then accidentally brayed between takes.”

Netflix denied that the production was adapting The Last Battle early.

“Ms. Streep’s character is absolutely the true Aslan,” a spokesperson said. “Any resemblance to a kindly but gullible donkey in an ill-fitting skin is a bold, intentional creative choice.”

Shift praised the studio’s statement.

“See?” the ape said, counting streaming-service coins. “Once you get the clever ones to say it’s profound, the rest will follow.”

At press time, Netflix had reportedly released a new teaser in which “Aslan” stands on a hill and declares, “I am not a tame lion,” before Shift whispers from off-camera, “Tell them the Calormenes own the wardrobe now.”